REVIEW: NEXT GOAL WINS

3.5/5

Fassbender Like Beckham.

104 Mins. Starring: Michael Fassbender, Oscar Kightley, Kaimana, David Fane, Rachel House, Beulah Koale, Taika Waititi, Rhys Darby, Will Arnett & Elisabeth Moss. Director: Taika Waititi. On: Disney +.

This next goal is going to be a winner, trust me.

I have two left feet. I have about as much business being on a soccer pitch as I do on a dance floor. In school, being ugly when it comes to the beautiful game was another entry on my bullying bingo card next to "skinnier than the corner flag" and "wears socks with sandals". But when Saturday came (it was probably actually a Tuesday) one day, I had my moment...from the corner of all places. The cross came in, and a mass of white school shirts with the ties taken off were in the area as the ball came up. Then, out of nowhere, I emerged and headed the ball across the line. OK, at this point I'd like to add the ball was about an inch or two from goal, and I kind of bumped into the ball, rather than headed it for home. But still, a goal is a goal. Then, crying foul, there were claims it just came off my shoulder (erm...), but like a skinny Maradona, it was the shoulder of God.

It was decided that only a penalty would settle this. So, I stepped up to the spot like Clearasil and felt like Southgate. The most nerve-wracking position in all sport. I still remember the look on the face of the boy in goal. He knew I didn't have what it took. And he was right...the ball sailed wide as he went the wrong way. I was heartbroken and when I heard cheers that made it all the more worse. But wait! You know what it's like in school, right? Just like in Sunday league, you play with coats as goalposts. Turns out one of the lads caught the left post on a half volley and kicked it past my shot, making it look like I missed. Between those two half goals, I'd finally scored. Even though it would be decades in the making before I actually did in a different kind of beautiful game. Sometimes one goal is all you need.

And that's what the 'Hunt For The Wilderpeople' and 'What We Do In The Shadows' director Taiki Waititi's 'Next Goal Wins' is all about. Now available to see on Disney + after the Searchlight picture's cinematic run across the football field last season. The 'Jojo Rabbit' dynamic director heads home and rebounds after the 'Love and Thunder' of his sequel to 'Thor-Ragnarök' didn't hit the heart like the lightning strike we all thought it would be. He even plays a priest like he did a hilarious Hitler in this film that feels like 'Cool Runnings' meets 'Bend It Like Beckham'. Albeit being based on an unbelievably true, and true to form, heart warmingly offbeat story.

Based on the 2014 documentary of the same name, 'Next Goal Wins' is the sports comedy-drama that scores, even if critics are calling sudden death for its director's career. Just wait, this is among his best, like 'Boy', as Taika takes the ball and clears everything except the crossbar. Dutch-American coach Thomas Rongen (who throws chairs like a wrong-un, or John Stamos' 'Big Shot') was tasked with taking one of the weakest football teams to the World Cup. The American Samoa national football team, who let more through the net than computers that allow more cookies than a monster. 

Here, Rongen is played by the right man for the job. First class 'X-Men' Magneto and 'The Killer' star Michael Fassbender with a bleached blonde do, looking like the 'Steve Jobs' star is about to play Marshall Mathers in his next biopic. With a 'Million Dollar Arm' like Jon Hamm for Disney, this mad men swings for the fence and hits the back of the net. No matter if we confuse our sports metaphors or if he lifts inspirational speeches from his favourite films on any given Sunday.

Yet it's the whole team that comes off the bench to give you an emotional lift. Even with big stars like Will Arnett, and Down Under neighbour Elisabeth Moss, it's the players themselves who are the magic sponge to this picture. Not to mention, 'Sione's Wedding' star Oscar Kightley who captures that Kiwi humour with Samoan pride. The actor, television presenter, writer, journalist, director, and comedian has even more jobs in this movie than he does in his professional career, but if all he had to do was warm your heart, then trust me, you're in safer hands than David Seaman. 

David Fane's lovable coach, 'Ragnarök' star Rachel House's hilarious lines and Beulah Koale's perfect teammate strengthen the side. But the rich vein of form belongs to Kaimana as fa'afafine player Jaiyah Saelua. The first transgender player ever to compete in a World Cup qualifier, who now serves as an ambassador for equality within FIBA and the watching world. It's a strike of real strength and beauty.

New Zealand favourite Rhys Darby also shows up alongside a recognizable voice and a Hemsworth (no...not that one...or that one). Fondly funny with feeling, this 'Next Goal' is the next film you should add to your scoresheet. It's the right play to make, like the more serious side of the historical account of 'The Beautiful Game' on Netflix with Bill Nighy. Lasso it, like Ted.

My heart may belong with the hoop dreams of basketball, but this game really is beautiful. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

Further Filming: 'Looking For Eric', 'Cool Runnings', 'Boy'.