By TIM DAVID HARVEY
(For the latest in #FilmsForFridays' new #SceneStealing series we fantabulously emancipate a juvenile offender from the big house with Harley Quinn and the 'Birds Of Prey' last film we saw on the big-screen before the lockdown. WARNING: Specific scene spoilers follow).
"I'm here to report a terrible crime...this one!"
White Nancy Sinatra boots that were made for walking, walk all over the police station. Swaggering to the soundtrack of an old dame walking into a Dick Tracy movie. DING, DING! "Can I help you" a resigned cop says beat, barely looking over his Buddy Holly glasses. "Why yes...yes you can" a lady with a 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' accent, coming dressed as Audrey Hepburn, complete with Thelma and Louise tied-up scarf says. Punctuating the reports of "a terrible crime" with a dip in her starlet sunglasses and a knowing raise of the eyebrows like a wink. "And what terrible crime is that", the desk jockey still not convinced, sort of enquires. "This one", Harley Quinn replies brandishing a shotgun and letting her trench coat hit the deck like everyone else is about to like chips in Vegas. Letting off a shot that puts this finally quick to (sort of) action donut boy back in his bean bag. But not before more eyebrow winks and a plush right between the eyes that breaks Buddy Holly in two like 'Peggy Sue' before the guitars begin to rock and we strip down see the former Daddy's Little Monster for all her emancipated worth, ammo of paint and power commando strapped around her like that hunky Wayne guys utility belt. "Danger. Danger." She casually walks into the lobby, cracks open her shotgun like a wishbone and loads it with another crowd dispersing bean bag in front of two officers talking. The one on the left like Captain America, that looks like Steve Austin, but has gone stone cold barely has time to stuff his donut in his face before Quinn's beans does that all for him as she kicks the coffee cup out the right man's hand like "meetings over", before putting her two cents in the function room. This time blue mist comes out like this headshot kills hangover style, but Dr. Quinn's taking prisoners in this police station as this former medicine woman knows that taking lives isn't an anti-hero's job...no matter what the 'Dawn Of Justice' thinks.
Piñata glitter comes out of the next guys chest in super slow 'Matrix' motion for this "please remove any metallic items you are carrying...keys, loose change", 'Terminator' takedown of a cop shop. She laughs then ball kicks the next guy, before turning his section into red mist, before using another detectives momentum to case close him. Coming out of a purple haze like Hendrix for her own madcap reign like when Prince dressed up as the 'Partyman' clown of crime in a cheap suit like Jack Nicholson for his classic 'Batman' soundtrack. Ooh wee! Loading and reloading this sawn off like a cut above the rest, even performing a no look glitter bomb straight out of Russell Crowe's '3:10 To Yuma' playbook in support of our generations bats, Christian Bale for the most exciting DC set-piece since he donned the cowl of the Caped Crusader like a stetson western. She's now going all Barry Bonds with this blunder buss (here's another hit) aswell as Shin Godzilla-ing the hell out of a bunch of roaring cops being hit below the belt in this K.O. All before she cartwheels and puts one of them down for good like the time Margot Robbie crippled critics as 'I, Tonya'. But save the podium place, because THIS unlike this year's Olympics ain't over yet. Another cop tries to come with a firearm...but there's no killing allowed in this line of duty and an aloud Harley like Davidson breaks his arm and then uses his back to mount the chopper and confetti a parade of police on her 6. I tell you the only thing Harley Quinn has done more than break this gun repeatedly in two is hell to shin do the same to the legs of most of this department. It's any wonder the hobbling Bobby can even getaway like a car he wishes he could cruise to right now.
"RUN PIGGY, RUN!"
Oink. He's troughed too. And you have to laugh at that one too as he starfishes in glitter like a kids art project with just the tiniest but of glue to make it all stick. "Where can I find Cassandra Cain?" She perfectly politely asks a room that seems a little more reasonable before giving it its own glitter bell ringing warning shot. "Cell 7," panics one cop whose played dress up enough times with his daughter to know he's fine in the uniform he's wearing now, thank you very much. Quinn draws a beat on him and walks up to him with murderous intent that her eyes are guilty of too. "Thanks doll," she says returning to her lovable rogue persona. "You're a peach". She heads for the block, but passes a WANTED poster on the way out like dead or alive. It's that Aussie stereotype named after a boomerang you may also know has 'Die Hard' and 'Jack Reacher' once star of the future Jai Courtney. "Hey. I know that guy!" Yellow 'Watchmen' paint balls the next cops smiley face into the red mark that iconic pin badge has just above as Harley makes her way to new holdings now. She needs to get in a control panel that looks like candy to anyone tempted by the 'DO NOT TOUCH" big red buttons comes into play. She patiently tries a few lightly touching like she doesn't want to break a nail (she could give a f###). The ACCESS DENIED bell rings more times than she likes. She's playing it like Jerry Lee Lewis did the piano. GOODNESS, GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE! Now it's the butt of the shotguns turn to play the chords. There it is. Open sesame...if sesame took a lot more seeds than you thought. ACCESS GRANTED. "Purfect!" Although albeit with a sprinkler malfunction trade off which always makes things more dramatic and cinematic anyhoo. No tears Harley you've got this. Slamming your way through the gates like a raptor and watching out for the predators between the cells that paint these walls like a gallery of rogues on the other side of Arkham. But with a sprinkler malfunction comes a door one and whilst convincing the kid she was after that she is yes, in fact the "psycho chick from the roller derby" all sorts of bars turn into open doors as the criminals want to dance with the Joker's former love. "HI BOYS!" Hold please. First one gets it in the neck. The second gets Yankee'd out the park. The third strike. Spun in a cart wheel that's could run rings and webs round Scarlett Johansson's legendary Black Widow take downs as her solo emancipation is put on hold right now. Soccer tackles and dentist appoitmements follow as she steel bars people like Michael Bolton, before using these cages like a wrestling match for some wet canvas takedown. Count 'em down. These prisoners are pinned down and Cassandra Cain can hardly believe it...she kind of likes it too. Like you know you do.
Thugs descend on the precient. It's clear the cops and the crims couldn't do a damn thing so it's time to hire some goons. "Who are you guys", Harley asks motoring her Brooklyn accent (and to think this comes from Aussie blonde 'Bombshell' Margot Robbie. Who along with Deadshot 'Suicide Squad' co-star Will Smith in a gambling 'Focus' against Hugo Strange himself B.D. Wong started this whole 'Scene Stealing' thing like fellow Aussie and superhero Chris Hemsworth performing an 'Extraction' in one-shot). They show her in reply...with bullets. Paint cans. Bowling balls providing their own strikes and whatever Harley can get her hands on is her Easter Egg arsenal now. Her gun chilling somewhere with those cell blocked criminals under sprinkler water. But then in a homage to 'Pulp Fiction' Quinn has three choices for the next strike. A chainsaw, that trusty, traditional samurai sword and *GASPS* an ACTUAL baseball bat. Here we go! Time for this major leaguer to go all MLB on these dugout dwellers. Eyebrow wink and shin again. In some classic cherorgraphy this side of Keanu Reeves' 'John Wick' throwing knives in his 'Parabellum' chapter, hold Harley down and she'll still climb criminals like stairs in this brutal bat ballet without the Dark Knight. Hiding behind a cane shipment (and we ain't talkin' 'bout Cassandra), this medicine woman needs that extra energy...and that's when she breathes it in like 'Deadpool' as bullets fly. Timer baked like a cake. PG-13 this is not set to. More raised eyebrows like flour. Say hello to my little friend. Coming out to 'Black Betty' like 'Spenser Confidential', or bam-ba-lam, Harley is charged now. Kicking a bad guy in the chest, both feet first as check BTS (behind the scenes...not my favourite K Pop guilty pleasure) and see Margot performing all these stunts her serious self. Barking like a dog as she puts bat to throat. Swashbuckling with it like a sword against these musketeers. Playing with them behind the back like Magic. Before braking legs back and forth like Gordon Hayward before the fourth and burning biker beards to ZZ Top this all off. BANG!
Kicking a phone into Rosie Perez's face this scene like the movie is far from over. But just like baseball bat's are Harley Quinn's signature weapon, Margot Robbie is her quintessential muse. And in this DC emancipation for all the Joker's that have played her ex boyfriend, from the late, legendary Ledger to a fellow Oscar winning, jokes on Joaquin Phoenix, there is only one Quinn. And that's 'The Wolf Of Wall Street' star from Down Under. Just how iconic she is, is as underrated as Jared Leo's modern love take on her pudding (and the 30 Second To Mars singers 'Outsider' big in Japan, Yakuza movie that sees him finally getting his revenge on his Batman Bale, 'American Psycho' killing, back in HIS apartment in 50's Osaka. But this time it's, "do you like whiskey?" Not Huey Lewis and the News). Marvel at comic book movies all you want, but even if M.C.U. rule the cinematic universe, you can't rule out DC like the Wizards of Washington. There was the criminally underrated 'Batman v Superman', the before 'Captain Marvel' and even 'Black Panther' game changing 'Wonder Woman', the underwater realm ravishing 'Aquaman', the BIG family friendly fun of 'Shazam' and even the Oscar winning (try that Cap) 'Joker' movie. And if that wasn't enough for 'The Batman' we all have so much faith in Zack Snyder's cut of the injust 'Justice League' that it's actually getting released next year...and David Ayer's 'Suicide Squad' wants in too. So why hate on the scene stealing dame to kill for from that movie before 'Guardians Of The Galaxy' director James Gunn deadshoots a sequel with a reloaded Idris Elba in this sin city of Gotham? They complained about the title, but we ain't changing it. We love it. 'Birds Of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of one Harley Quinn'. Besides you didn't have this problem with Batman Michael Keaton's 'Birdman', or 'The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance' and when you go buy a cinema ticket what do you say anyway? "Two for that new Batman one." Right? The cinema, remember that? This was actually the last film I saw on the big screen before the lockdown (we got it a little later in Japan) and in quarantine I started to take it back to the movies we missed and features like this (which we won't stop, but hopefully may not have to do as much of soon. If you know what we mean). Bet you wish you didn't talk so much s### about underrated blockbusters like this now don't you pudding. All I know was what a last swing to see before cinemas were strike three out of there. I had so much fun and the epic energy reminded me of why we love the big screen and big blockbusters like this, especially in the superhero genre, (Sorry Speilberg and Scorsese) and I can't wait for it all to come back like 'Wonder Woman 1984'. But if it doesn't. If this is our emancipation from big ticket prices and sticky seats (don't act like you don't miss it too). What a big bang to go out on. Fantabulous!
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