REVIEW: MORTAL KOMBAT

3.5/5

The Mortal Instruments.

110 Mins. Starring: Lewis Tan, Jessica McNamee, Josh Lawson, Tadanobu Asano, Mehcad Brooks, Ludi Lin, Max Huang, Chin Han, Joe Taslim & Hiroyuki Sanada. Director: Simon McQuoid. 

FINISH THIS! Hiroyuki Sanada is an absolute legend. Sure the Japanese icon who started his Hollywood career giving Tom Cruise's 'Last Samurai' what for alongside Ken Watanabe may have died in not one ('The Wolverine' for Logan's run lost in a Tokyo translation), but two ('Avengers: Endgame' by another katana, this time courtesy of Hawkeye's Ronin like Sanada's '47' with Keanu Reeves) Marvel movies, but who cares? They were boss battles that we could watch all day, Cap. And this is the third act of his big-three, holy trinity, battle royale. The 'Westworld', 'Rush Hour 3' and 'Mr. Holmes' actor who also has an MBE knighting from The Queen for his Royal Shakespeare theatrical work as The Fool in 'King Lear' owns the opening seven minutes of the 2021 'Mortal Kombat' reboot, as the video games awesome adaptations preview before you press start on this HBO Max stream like 'Zack Snyder's Justice League' and 'Godzilla vs Kong' before it and 'Space Jam' and 'Dune' after. And you really will want to finish this and take it to the max after its terrific tease that also serves as a scintillating set-up to Sanada's scorching Summer that also sees him cross streams as part of Zack Snyder's 'Army Of The Dead' for Netflix. Scene stealing, carrying wood in a traditional house where some chop wood, Japan, 1617, he sings with his son in a beautiful, blissful moment of pure peace. Then a baby cries so his son attends to his sister as Sanada proceeds to delicately brush the soil off his wife's green fingers as he tells her in Japanese, "I am grateful and blessed to be with you" and powerful poignancy. He leaves to fetch more water. When he rushes back the loves of his life have been out on ice as he falls to his knees and breaks. "I'm sorry" he cries with real, felt pain. A look on his face tells us he knew this day was coming...he just didn't think it would be so soon. He feels the cold wind of enemies approaching in ninja formation and he steels himself for the storm that's coming...from his revenge. He samurai slices through henchmen as blood is Tarantino thrown up from every orifice of their mask. Javelin throws a blade like he's about to participate in the Tokyo, 2020 Olympics...although the '64 games are closer. And then turns a trowel tool into a real inspired implement as he gardens everyone in sight with a sharp tip that really stings. Clothes-lining the last of them on the tail-end of this hell like he was putting the washing out. All before an epic showdown of fire versus ice is hyped before this preview cuts away to the titan of a trailer. Get ready...FIGHT!

Time to put another token in because this one is worth an up. The 1992 American video game was first created by Ed Boon and John Tobias for not just arcades and consoles, but to kick-start the next part of 'Kickboxer' Jean-Claude Van Damme's Hollywood career in the video game world. But alas, it wasn't to be like JCVD (what a movie...even if it does sound like a venereal disease) and Van Damme had to settle for another tournament and a lousy video game adapted 'Street Fighter' movie with Kylie Minogue. The original 1995 'Mortal Kombat' featured a funkadelic soundtrack from George Clinton and was directed by Paul Anderson. No not the one of 'Punch Drunk Love' and Haim music video fame...but there would be blood. The one famous for 'Resident Evil', 'Event Horizon' and 'Alien vs Predator' amongst video game others. Yeah...dark s###. And then came the 'Annihilation' of a sequel and the rest really is history like a fatality. So now seems the right time stuck at home to take the boxes out the attic, blow in our cartridges (steady), dust off our joysticks (steady still...I mean controllers) and pick up sticks like Dave Chappelle was about to whup your ass in some 'Street Hoops' (oh, he should have left you dead Billy). Because Simon McQuoid's directorial debut doesn't need a continue countdown. It's a knockout. No more commercials for him from the commercial success of this trailer...he'll be in his. Sure this is ridiculous...ridiculous fun. Ridiculously entertaining. Epic almost. Sure it takes itself seriously (but have you seen the opening scene...it looks like a classic moment of Asian cinema), but then it doesn't thanks to the sarcasm and F bombs of a laser sharp Aussie Kano (kudos to 'Anchorman 2's' Josh Lawson swiping the show) that rules...and wins. Meta 'Kombat' pulls no punches and will get a belly laugh out of you...or two. Even if it has to punch you in the rib-cage to do so. 

Uncaged for a franchise with more platforms than Goro has arms (OK it's a little more than four), this game video game adaptation will make you think they really can make a 'Monopoly' movie (I liked 'Wall Street's' own Oliver Stone doing it though) with Kevin Hart even if he is smaller than that tiny iron that fellow comedian Dane Cook said would take forever to use on your clothes (genius). Speaking of which the Ryan Reynolds (who has 'Deadpool' been rumoured for this 'Mortal' sequel as none other but the poster boy teased Johnny Cage) like comedian also sort of reminds us of a relative of Cole Young here, kicked and boxed perfectly by Lewis Tan. Shatterstar of 'Deadpool 2' himself (yeah, that d###) who also starred in Marvel's 'Iron Fist' and 'Wu Assassins' (which sadly has nothing to do with the Wu-Tang Clan) on Netflix. Then there's 'The Vow' and 'Battle Of The Sexes' star Jessica McNamee. A standout as Sonya Blade, cutting through all the crap and staying sharp as a tack throughout. You've also got to hand it to (no pun intended) 'Glory Road' and 'The Game's' Mehcad Brooks who has both his arms Carl weathered and defrosted before they mecha-cyborg turn into two winter soldiers. Whilst the dynamic duo featuring 'Power Rangers' and 'Black Mirror' star Ludi Lin's dragon fireball logo of Liu Kang and Max Huang's Kung Lao and his steel sombrero that he spins like Captain America's shield make for the perfect victory...or the best one/two punch since 'The Falcon and The Winter Soldier'. But it's 'Thor', 'Battleship', 'Silence' and 'The Outsider' star Tadanobu Asano with God of Thunder lightning as Lord Raiden and 'Ghost In The Shell', 'Captain America: The Winter Soldier' and 'The Dark Knight' actor Chin Han who is good with calculation as a soul sucker that make the perfect good versus evil set-up tournament fight for this stage. Not to mention Indonesian judo and martial artist Joe Taslim ('Fast and Furious 6', 'Star Trek-Beyond'), whose Bi-Han villain really is cold as ice. Slowing your bullet time down more than 'The Matrix'. So against all this, test your might. Because this one is not for weak, pathetic fools. Toasty! Jean-Claude Van DAMN (word to the Fresh Prince) that was some bloody good, bloody dumb fun. Get over here and watch this. K. Mother f#####g O! TIM DAVID HARVEY.

Further Filming: 'Mortal Kombat (1995)', 'Street Fighter', the 'Tekken' reboot I am now campaigning for after this.