REVIEW: THE TOMORROW WAR

 

3/5

Tomorrow Never Dies.

138 Mins. Starring: Chris Pratt, Yvonne Strahovski, Betty Gilpin, Sam Richardson, Edwin Hodge, Jasmine Matthews, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Mike Mitchell, Keith Powers & J.K. Simmons. Director: Chris McKay. 

Star-Lord is here to guard the galaxy once more, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow for this war. So here's some read all about it news for you right now. Forget Kurt Russell's Ego, or planets for your daily scoop. Peter Quill's father is actually no other than Peter Parker's boss! The Daily Bugle's own J. Jonah Jameson. Now how's that for breaking news that'll give you whiplash? Ba-dum-tss. Mr. J.K. Simmons. Or Commissioner Gordon depending on which universe you get your comic books from. The Oscar winning actor who made his Spider-Man homecoming and grand return to the headlines as the legendary editor that hates the web-slinger, two years ago this July 4th, 'Far From Home'. I still can't get over that Madison Square Garden jumbotron post credits moment. I remember it like yesterday. I was watching the movie in a New York cinema during a vacation on the fourth of July weekend, actually across the street from the Worlds Most Famous Arena and as Spider-Man landed on that very sidewalk one New Yorker in the theatre blurted out, "ha...he's outside!" Here Simmons still in the weight room, but not at the bathroom cabinet with a Gillette simmers as Pratt's pops. There's a meme going round right now featuring Heath Ledger's Joker from 'The Dark Knight' saying, "you see in their last moments, people show you who they really are." Underneath is the scene from the first Sam Raimi 'Spider-Man' movie were Willem Dafoe's Harry Osborne's ("you know I'm something of a (insert appropriate meme here) myself") Green Goblin smashes through Jameson's Bugle office, grabs him by the throat and demands to know who took the pictures of Spider-Man. "I don't know who he is. His stuff comes in the mail," the usual gossip rag hound heroically replies. Going viral this meme lead many people to reply something along the lines of, "ahh he probably didn't want to lose the money Peter Parker made for him off those exclusive shots." Cue a pre-"you complete me" Tom Cruise in 'Jerry Maguire' telling Renee Zellweger, her living room full of divorcees and us that, "we live in a cynical, cynical world." Check your socials, we really do in this war of the worlds. With many people claiming this Pratt film that takes cues from Cruise's 'Live.Die.Repeat' of 'Edge Of Tomorrow' when all he and Emily Blunt needed was 'Kill' and the clusterf### of violence that was the cult classic, 'Starship Troopers', prattles on with more white saviour tropes. Amazon shelled out $200 mill to keep this Prime piece of Hollywood real estate quarantined at home, whilst Universal movies like the 'Fast and Furious 9' and 'A Quiet Place Part II' franchise sequels roared and made noise at multiplexes. Even though right now in promotion, Amazon are pulling a life size alien in chains around in a truck through Tokyo, right near the Shinjuku Godzilla cinema that's playing his main event with Kong. All as the sci-fi, cult, comic action hero Pratt looks to boldly go back to the future like the terminating father of his wife, Katherine Schwarzenegger to save the day, today. Even uttering the immortal line, "I'll be back" (although Pratt likens his version to just some guy leaving the room, or popping out to the store), but will this movie be tomorrow? 

'Passengers'. At least its not that science fiction film he did with Jennifer Lawrence on 2016. That was not the future in this Me Too era. Let's break it down. Pratt's been knocking it out the park ever since his 'Moneyball' home-run with Pitt showed us he wasn't playing recreation games anymore. But this one could have caused irreparable damage for the 'Guardians Of The Galaxy' Marvel megastar and 'Jurassic World' franchise restarter who almost whipped up an 'Indiana Jones' role too for his Harrison Ford Hollywood homage like Han. Which would have made him still the hottest thing in the industry like when 'The Fugitive' rode Solo. But you didn't want to ride shotgun with this 'Passenger' like Iggy Pop. In that interstellar cruise, Chris' character really was his last name as he woke up from a deep space dive to see himself stranded in the solar system all alone. Well misery loves company and in something that rivals the sledgehammer "STAY WITH ME" urgency of Kathy Bates crippling Caan worse than 'The Godfather' for Stephen King's classic story, Pratt's spaceman decided to wake someone up so he had someone to talk to. Has he never heard of Siri? He was in 'Her' with Joaquin Phoenix. On this almost 100 year trip that basically robbed someone of the life they were about to lead in a whole new world. Disney, this was not. And who did he choose? Well every beast needs his beauty and after going through the ships log he decided Jennifer Lawrence looked nice and from there we had the set-up of the most contrived catalyst of a movie. One that did try to self-aware save its set-up however. Still, it was all, "nothing but porcelain" like his classic you would be the Michael Jordan of everything, even taking a s### line from Jason Segel's 'Five Year Engagement' with Emily Blunt. This means 'War' in comparison is a fair fight. Soccer set-up for one hell of an Uncle Sam recruiting campaign. Pointing to every draftee at a World Cup game whilst the visionary skills of the Brazilian national team heading for another shot of glory is interrupted by the jump of some real special effects lead by forthcoming 'The Man From Toronto' star Jasmine Matthews. The set-up is basically this, the world is losing a war to aliens so sons and daughters head back in time to tell their parents to really look after them. This is the best, "my Dad is better than your Dad" story I've ever heard. Father time has its day, even if Pratt has anything but a Dad bod. 

B-movie beauty is broadcast in this slice of pizza sci-fi call to arms that belongs to the same artillery of a zombified Zack Snyder's 'Army Of The Dead' on Netflix with Pratt's gold friend Drax. There's nothing invisible about that, man. A convenience store, video game blockbuster. The military mind of 'The LEGO Batman Movie' director Chris McKay (the boy wonder attached to a Robin spin-off DC 'Nightwing' movie that has nothing to do with Danish toys) knows how to world build with these halo jumpers and also add meta jokes at his own material (check out the hilarious reaction to the, "it's a long story" backstory cliché). Not to mention satirically at the world at large, whose population here is dropping to 500,000. To put that in perspective, you may not think it, but even your local small town has about one-fifth of that. Coronavirus and planetary pandemics and population control may have figured into the masked work behind this movie that has ended up being quarantined to your laptops and smartphones rather than the big-screen. As does the wider issue of wars being a product of the sins of our fathers as the notion of young men fighting an old man's war gets flipped on its head like racism in the controversial, but compelling 'White Man's Burden' John Travolta and Sidney Poitier movie giving privileged people a look at the other side of their entitled bulls###. Pratt is perfect with a crude looking 'Cowboys and Alien' device on his arm that is almost medieval in this knights tale. Whilst Simmons' symbol shop, custom made introduction could see him chopping it up with Sly Stallone's 'Expendables' like Mickey Rourke. It's 'The Handmaid's Tale' star Yvonne Strahovski who is the real soul of these soldiers however in a commanding role. Meanwhile 'Glow's' Betty Gilpin shines in criminally underused screen-time. Comic-relief comes endearingly from 'Veep' and 'Promising Young Woman' star Sam Richardson whose buddy run of comedies ('We're The Millers', 'Horrible Bosses 2', 'Spy', 'Neighbors 2', 'Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates', 'Ghostbusters' and 'The House' too) will leave you laughing like a 'Friends' reunion. His response to the "welcome to Miami" line as he takes his talking talents to South Beach like LeBron back in the day was on all of our lips. Close to the American Airlines Arena home before these E.T.'s lay waste to the Freedom Tower of Florida architecture like 'Independence Day' did the White House on what some people on social media still think is the reason Americans celebrate July 4th like they think Spielberg really killed a triceratops. Add 'The Purge' of Edwin Hodge ('Straight Outta Compton's' MC Ren and 'One Night In Miami's' Jim Brown star Aldis' brother) terminating everything on site in this unit and the N.W.A. movies Keith Powers and you really have a cast for this crew of recruits. Especially with cameos from 'Doughboy' Mike Mitchell and the best thing about Kevin Hart and Tiffany Haddish's underrated comedy education, 'Night School', Mary Lynn Rajskub. Kicking an alien ass we still can't work out whether looks good (the alien...not its ass) or not. Let alone the confusion of these things being called 'White Spikes'. I spent the lion share of this movie thinking they were hunting Jack and Meg. Creepily moving as scarily fast as a 'World War Z' zeke, complete with 'Alien' like bodies. Shooting spikes with spider eyes and a moth dust like covering. You might lose your lunch before they make you theirs. At a punishing two hours and 20 minutes too you might not make it to the next day with this one. But what isn't here today and gone tomorrow in todays forgetful Hollywood? The 'Tomorrowland' of this blockbuster would have ruled July 4th weekend 25 years ago (see the regurgitated 'Resurgence' of 'Independence Day' without a Will in a mean '16), but welcome to earth, that was light years ago. Feel old yet, generations of yesterday? Still, 'The Tomorrow War' is worth noting in your watch-list diary for future reference. Even if there's no need to rush to cross the streams for this alien-busting franchise starter like there's no tomorrow. TIM DAVID HARVEY. 

Further Filming: 'Starship Troopers', 'Edge Of Tomorrow', 'Passengers'.