REVIEW: F9

 

3.5/5

Han's Back On The Wheel. 

143 Mins. Starring: Vin Diesel, John Cena, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges, Jordana Brewster, Sung Kang, Nathalie Emmanuel, Lucas Black, Jason Tobin, Bow Wow, Don Omar, Cardi B, Vinnie Bennett, Finn Cole, Shea Whigham, Michael Rooker, Helen Mirren, Kurt Russell & Charlize Theron. Director: Justin Lin. 

"Life's simple. You make choices and you don't look back". Standing above the city in Shibuya Sky, I feel like Han in 'Fast and Furious 3'. It's thanks in part to Sung Kang's compelling characters mesmerizing monologue that I made that 'Tokyo Drift' and now I live under the rising sun in the land of Japan. Lost in translation back west I found hope with those words from the guy who says few as he puts more snacks in his mouth than Pitt in 'Moneyball' instead. But swinging for the fence with this homer he really hit with his brief gift of gab. Like the 'Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood' Oscar winner Brad says in 'Oceans Eleven' to Matt Damon, "don't use seven words when four will do." And in one movie this man had done what no one aside from the big-three of Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Tyrese Gibson in ten for this fuelled up franchise. It's what led Kang's Han to be in three more movies (the DVD order confusing 'Fast and Furious', 'Fast Five' and 'Fast and Furious 6'), prequels and their sequels that messed with more timelines than 'The Terminator' and each time he hinted at going to Tokyo our heart dropped, just like it was broken when we found it in a classic cameo and post-credits tease that Jason Statham's villain actually killed him...or did he?! You just have to love that in these 'Fast' films they can pull and drive a vault 'round the city, jump cars from skyscraper to skyscraper, lasso one across mountains, skydive in them, literally drive to space and have nine sequels, but fans are still like, "how is Han still alive?!" Who cares? It's good that he's back and let's hope his mop returns soon like my hairline. Justice for Han served. "Hallelujah. Hallelujah." Kang the conqueror. This is a cult character good enough to date Wonder Woman. So who knows even Gal Gadot could come back too (they'd need to have more money under the hood) as Letty brings Han to the clubhouse and makes you believe in ghost stories again like the Eva Mendes cameo we also wish turned into another reunion. After all this is the franchise about family that brings another sibling to the Diesel vs wrestler race wars for these brothers in cars.

'Hobbs and Shaw' spinning off into its own lane with the likes of Kevin Hart and Ryan Reynolds, you may not be able to see or smell what The Rock's cooking, but John Cena is here for this vehicular 'Suicide Squad', gunning it like James. You know it's on now as this franchise furiously heads towards its last lap in its 20th go round (20 years! TWO DECADES?!), just when you thought they couldn't inject any more nitrous. No more quarter mile at a time. Every other four wheel franchise that thought it's 'Need For Speed' stood a chance ended up 'Gone In 60 Seconds'. The magnetism of this maddening franchise has become literal as Vin is like gravity as Jordan Brewster said it best in the original, meat and potatoes, bare bones, grounded in realism tread classic that was like 'Point Break' on wheels with Walker doing his best Keanu. "Everything just gets pulled to him." There's even a moment where Dom's Dodge looks like it's literally giving birth to him. What else could you expect for a guy named Diesel? '2 Fast, 2 Furious' kept up without him however as Paul teamed up with best friend Tyrese Gibson as the late, great John Singleton's 'Baby Boy' became as big a movie star as a 'Sweet Lady' music one. And from Watts to space here, Gibson is a motormouth, moving monologue delivering, action hero star, shooting straight with pedal to metal. Then after the franchise drifted to Tokyo (here in the home of tyres, Yokohama, Japan they call 'Fast and Furious 9', 'Jet Break' my top guns) the new model and original parts went fourth and then lead to the halfway mark and the fifth and best yet franchise stuck between The Rock and a hard safe to crack place. Add London burning rubber on your six, the movingly beautiful tribute to the dearly departed Paul Walker finished by his family in the seventh seal before we see him again and the Cypher of Charlize Theron's wonder of an atomic dreaded blonde villain (back low-key pulling lamb silent strings being glass like Loki) in the eighth and we don't even see the checkered flag. The new 'Rocky' with The Rock's own 'Creed'. Firing on all cylinders, Vin Diesel wants to hear about a 'Fast and Furious' musical for his beautiful baritone, but you'd need a subwoofer in the cinema (now you mention it, Scottie Pippen, you owe me some new laptop speakers after 'The Last Dance'). Tyrese would love to see it re-Bourne for the ultimate Universal universe crossover and new identity with Matt Damon. Anything is possible like Kevin Garnett if this team can make one giant leap for family coming from the baby small steps of jacking trucks for DVD players that are now worth pennies. Houston we DON'T have a problem! Wheels up indeed.

Rowdy and ridiculous, the 'Fast and Furious' films should have boosted straight to DVD sales like the property they used to jack, but making a steal AND a killing this franchise has become the biggest box office draw like dragging all the money in the world 'round the city. Word to 'Four Brother' Mark Wahlberg, whose nice 'Italian Job' remake only blew the bloody doors off. But going 'Beyond' with 'Star Trek' and 'True Detective' season 2 director Justin Lin ('Furious 6', 'Tokyo Drift') back like Han (not to mention Lucas Black, Jason Tobin and Bow Wow's team of mad scientists) behind the wheel is a master move that takes left turn after left turn for this franchise formula of family that STILL isn't running on fumes even though only Marvel have more movies. But this franchise does have a CGI animated Netflix 'Fast and Furious: Spy Racers' show for the kids. And as this assembled team of Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Nathalie Emmanuel, Tyrese, Ludacris and co race off together through a forest like 'Age Of Ultron' these guys literally debate whether they are superheroes. Their cars their capes. Admit it. You're still invested in this invincible franchise that blows your mind like Ty mouthing mind blows which with ours the same we can't believe they cut. At least you can blame the exhaust for what's leaving you choked up amongst all this exhaustive action and a formidable force of a fantastic first act. Following a flashback to the NASCAR dirt track that took lives and gave the young Toretto the tyre iron fire behind his eyes and silver cross to bear. New Zealand's Vinnie (Vin) Bennett plays a young Dom to the mannerism and 'Peaky Blinders' Finn Cole fills in for the hulking Cena. Whilst 'Guardians Of The Galaxy's' Yondu, Michael Rooker makes an engine grease soulful performance in the same week here in 'Jet Break' Japan that he and Cena with some interesting headwear arm up for James Gunn's 'The Suicide Squad' engine. Diesel and Cena's brothers wrestling with some real drama under the hood more than make up for what is sadly now the Hobbs of 'Hobbs and Shaw' The Rock's indefinite absence (however you can catch him on the shore of Disney's 'Jungle Cruise' ride with 'A Quiet Place' star Emily Blunt too. Think that's good? Universal Studios have their own 'Fast and Furious' ride too). As two flutes in the nostrils in celebration let's hear it for John Cena getting his Bautista on. You can see him in everything this Summer...even with a toilet seat covering his head. Add cameos from the recog-nose-able franchise face Shea Whigham and 'Hustlers' rapper Cardi B and this film has everything. Even more character for cameoing legends Kurt Russell in backstory that really tinkers and ties up all the loose wire ends under the hood and Helen Mirren running the boys in blue down the road that leads to the Buckingham Palace the Dame once had a Hollywood throne in as 'The Queen' with the crown before all those Netflix stars. And we love a refill of her fabulous flirting with Diesel. It's got us thinking of a transatlantic romcom spin-off starring the pair. You could even call it 'Wheels Up'. This thing writes itself. Let's not forget the original bromance though and the real respect for the legacy of Paul Walker leaving a seat at the table. But there's always room for more family like Don Omar finally back behind the grill...but what of his brother? Even the bottles of Dom's favourite Corona still get a pop, despite...well, you know. Just make sure you don't leave the post-credits tease in your rear view that shows out interest for this long and winding plot is still a sure thing. This franchise vehicle may be going round in circles like the NASAR fuel injection that birthed it in brimstone, but it's lapping everyone in blockbuster, box office pole position. On your marks. Get set. Go around the block two more times before the finish line. Because we want more than one last ride. TIM DAVID HARVEY. 

Furious Filming: 'Fast Five', 'Furious 6', 'The Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift'.