REVIEW: JUNGLE CRUISE

 

3/5

The Jungle Book.

127 Mins. Starring: Emily Blunt, Dwayne Johnson, Édgar Ramírez, Jack Whitehall, Jesse Plemons & Paul Giamatti. Director: Jaum Collet-Serra. 

Seasick. If you play a drinking game each time Dwayne Johnson's riverboat captain calls Emily Blunt's character "Pants" in this new Disney movie, then you're going to throw up after the first five minute on this rocky boat. Ahoy! Just like groaning at all his perfect pun Dad jokes about being "canned" from an orange juice factory...concentrate. This is actually pretty a-peel-ing (ugh...you know me. I'm a sucker for squeezing all I can out of stuff like this). And Emily to be Blunt (here we go) gets her licks in though. Calling this skipper, "Skippy" like The Rock was a Bush kangaroo. Making sure that any misogyny over a woman wearing trousers being "wrong" (no, this ain't 'Wallace and Gromit' or 90's primary school) is met with the equal footing comeback of this time and tide that has these two Cary Grant and Grace Kelly acting up like an old Hollywoodland couple. All the way down to the perfect poster, promotional pitch, 'Tarzan' swinging through this jungle of Disney property like a Warner Bros 'Space Jam' legacy roll call, riding with the King. Many hoped that the 'Hobbs and Shaw' star Johnson would be getting in the cars and getting back together with the beef of Vin Diesel for the 'F9' Universal Studios ride. But still furious at a pit stop, The Rock rides shotgun with 'A Quiet Place II' star Emily Blunt, taking us for a ride on this 'Jungle Cruise'. Another Disney movie like 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' adapted from one of their magic kingdom theme park rides (hey, it worked for Johnny Depp...until they canned him (justice for Jack)). In a time were Disney are making live action everything (we'll say it again we want Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's 'Saturday Night Live' Bambi remake with all his fast pals from four wheels on four legs), anything is bank. They could probably make a Disney dollar movie before Oliver Stone's in creative hiatus jail 'Monopoly' money finally comes out...I think last time it was linked with Johnson's 'Jumanji' and 'Central Intelligence' pal Kevin Hart. This 'Welcome To The Jungle' from the 'Journey 2: The Mysterious Island' takes cues from so many Disney movies like the Disneyworld ride itself. From the 'Caribbean' all the way to throwing the book at the jungle. This is anything but the bare necessities. 

Umbrellas up, Emily Blunt has already redefined Disney legend like those want her to do with Marvel's 'Fantastic Four' alongside husband John Krasinski. Her 'Mary Poppins' really went down a treat without the need of a spoonful of sugar. Medicine to my at the time depressed mind, it even reduced me to  tears of joy. Calling traditional London home like this one in the Big Smoke were the great Brit walks ladders around stuffy archaeology types like 'Black Widow' star Rachel Weisz in 'The Mummy'. This one unravels like that fun franchise too, Johnson playing Brendan Fraser like he did after the 'Journey To The Center Of The Earth,'. The love boat banter between this perfect pair keeps this ship from sinking and will certainly have more all aboard the next time park visitors look for something to do in between taking photos with Mickey and flying the Millennium Falcon. There's fond fun to be had in all this amazing adventure. An arrowhead points to more than this expedition chasing waterfalls like TLC downriver. A group of manacled, undead seamen who look like they can't escape the roots of this jungle ('Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl'). Some cannibals that look like they can smell that The Rock is cooking ('Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'). Yet the only thing that is cheating here is Johnson's CGI fight with a Leopard (no we don't expect him to do it for real...just keep watching). But for all the big things this small riverboat sees on the way to the Tree of Life like Brad Pitt and Jessica Chastain, the main attraction is the Blunt/Rock combination that will make this splash fun for all the family. A combustible chemistry that compels between the scientist and the captain that would probably tell a fine girl like Brandy that his love is the sea like Kurt Russell's Ego. Dip a toe.

Woody and Buzz may be toys, but 'Toy Story' stars Tom Hanks and Tim Allen were originally meant to take their chemistry to the live action choppy waters of a film that's been in development hell since 'The Curse Of The Black Pearl' in 2004 showed you could do the loop-da-loop with a fairground amusement to the big screen. But it's taken this many years to ride. And if its given us the real perfect partnership-despite that dynamic duo from the toy chest-than we're happy we waited this long to make the trip for Disney's bucket list of movies. Because everyone's after the Holy Grail of this one, petal to churning metal. Much like the 'Indiana Jones' movies this family fun frolic suitably and subtlety reminds us of. 'House Of Wax' and 'Orphan' director Jaume Collet-Serra gets everyone involved and drops the horror and Liam Neeson ('Unknown', 'Non-Stop', 'Run All Night' and 'The Commuter') temporarily to show us stranger tides than he did so successfully with Blake Lively in the jaws of a shark 'Shallows'. The 'Bad Education' of great British comedian Jack Whitehall as Blunt's brother offers some quotable levity to this proceeding and a subtle but beautiful coming out for a Mickey Mouse franchise that's finally coming of age and won't hide this beauty behind a beast, fluid like Loki. Whilst the new millennium Gary Sinise that's in everything of Jesse Plemons kills it playing up as a big bad German villain. We can't get over this like we still can't get over whatever the hell 'I'm Thinking Of Ending Things' Last year was all about. Reuniting with his 'Girl On The Train' co-star Emily, an underused, but as undeniable as the snake coming out his face Édgar Ramírez looks the Depp in 'Pirates' meets Depp in 'Scissorhands' part. Despite the 'Versace' actor still looking like he's one grand design away from his big leading man break like Oscar Isaac. Its the always dependable 'Billions' dollar character actor Paul Giamatti however that takes this cast from All-star to A-list with his gangster harbormaster who should be told to "apply his own bloody suntan lotion." It's a jungle out there, but all in all this is the best cruise Blunt has been on since 'Live.Die.Repeat'. Or whatever that movie ended up being called. With a sequel on the edge of tomorrow's horizon too it looks like 'Black Adam' has more franchises than McDonald's as Disney looks to serve their product to billions. You may think this hunk of metal they call a ship is junk, but wait until this journey finds real treasure. TIM DAVID HARVEY. 

Further Filming: 'Mary Poppins', 'Journey 2: The Mysterious Island', 'Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'.