Depp Blue Sea.
129 Mins. Starring: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Kevin McNally, David Wenham, Paul McCartney & Geoffrey Rush. Directors: Joachin Ronning & Espen Sandberg.
Uncork the rum diary again as Johnny Depp is living the pirates life once more in 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' 55, 'Dead Men Tell No Tales' (or 'Salzar's Revenge'...depending on which side of the equator you lie). Continuing to set a franchise course like the unravelling 'Mummy' series it will rival, between all the 'Planet Of The Apes' and Rock chiseled lifeguards they hope to sink, Johnny Depp and classic villain co-star Javier Bardem have just been named to Tom Cruise's 'Dark Universe' like Russell Crowe's Dr. Jekyll. To welcome us to a new world of Hollywoodland legendary Gods and monsters from Universal. No country for Bardem Bond villain Javier will perfectly bolt up to play Frankenstein's monster Igor. Whereas inbetween replacing Colin Farrell in 'Fantastic Beasts', sharing character like 'Doctor Parnassus', Depp will mummy bandage up for 'The Invisible Man'. In what could be 'Edward Scissorhands' most iconic role...but then again how would you know? Before we see how he fares in that Depp takes you deeper into his most famous franchise face, Jack Sparrow. CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow! And Johnny Jack is still as savvy as a Point Guard the way he handles this boat that rocks. Even if sometimes he looks too hammered to tell. Why are the rest of the cast members gone? Oh...that's why. But, wait...are they? Because just when you thought you were at your worlds end, this 'Pirates' takes it back to the skull and cross bones origins of the first 'Curse Of The Black Pearl' Sparrow Oscar nominated film for your 'Dead Mans Chest'. Back when this Disney ride inspired theme first turned into a runaway franchise train. There have amazingly been five 'P.O.T.C.' films now, but even more unbelievably the last one was over a half decade ago when tides were stranger. Now are we to walk the plank or parley?
Even when they face the gallows these seaman of the Caribbean still go out in a pirates jig. Just like they were dancing to that iconic Hans Zimmer theme song that everyone's first iPod shuffled between Kanye West and Lady Gaga back in the early 2000's day. Even when he looks out his depth, Depp's eyes are still on the Sparrow. And as his classical creation he still brings as much fond fun as the countless times he surprises schoolkids that write him letters in class for treasure hunt help, or families at Disneyworld by appearing as the real Captain Jack Sparrow in character and full regalia to regale everyone with stories of the seas. Mincing around with his arms in a constant state of blissful ignorant, innocent surrender as he circles his fingers like the guy who perfectly played Trump before Alec Baldwin on SNL has his speech technique down to a T. His Rolling Stone Richards rum dance can still entrance and entertain audiences as acting like a message that you can't quite prize out the bottle has never swayed so much in sync. If this is the Pirates life then his is the one of Riley from the get-up to the broken compass that will always point him in the right direction, no matter how staggering. As this time he faces his most formidable foe yet in the form of Javier Bardem's vengeful Salzaar. And picking up where his wife Penelope Cruz left off in the last Jack lookalike movie, the best Bond villain bar-non, Bardem goes from looking like the coiffured captain of the Spanish Armada to the lovechild of the undead pirates movie and his forthcoming Frankenstein monster. All complete with a zombie pet Jaws. Looking incredible and creepily almost stop-motion in his C.G.I. and prosthesis, Javier is still somewhat a little underused like the legendary Christophe Waltz when he replaced his run in 007's 'Spectre'. Still every bad guys dream Bardem makes the most of his time at sea. And brings a new slimy, sneering barnacle buster to his one-of-a-kind villains rogue gallery.
Awash in a little too much drowning, choppy C.G. in a climatic tidal wave of Moses like sea-parting that reaches for the stars, this film looks incredible but is sometimes just one dimension too much for our two eyes. Yet still with a strong heading this rip-roaring, sword-swinging yarn still spins a great tale. Even if we aren't as swashbuckled to our seats like a captain going down with his ship as previous sword draws. There are still plenty of hands on deck here like the ever dependable first mate, sidekick Kevin McNally and of course that pesky monkey friend like Marcel. There's even some fresh faces about starboard like 'Gods Of Egypt' star Brenton Thwaites who plays a familiar face of a son with the freshness of a new day. And 'Skins' and 'Clash Of The Titans' star Kaya Scodelario who tightens her range and not another corset cliche as a woman of science that everyone is convinced is a witch. But what a spell of magic she really casts as an actress. 'Lion' roaring iconic 'Iron Fist' David Wenham is also on hand as a British Navy officer as the '300' soldier arms up in wig and tails. Getting even more dressed up and replacing Rolling Stone Keith Richards's absent Sparrow father (the sea turtles must have taken him away), is uncle Beatle Sir Paul McCartney, having as much surreal but nice fun as the time we saw him in a Rihanna video playing with Kanye. Even if some may say the band on the run leads acting bends it like 'King Arthur's' Beckham, just like David, Paul brings high praise and high-seas good times. And what would the life of a 'Pirates' movie be without Academy actor Geoffrey Rush? Between 'The Kings Speech' and the 'Genius' of Einstein living the life of a pirate that's cheated death by booty blinging out his false foot. And there's much more treasure that lies beneath all that veneer too for a film that blooms with hallmark call-backs to the original film, that are just so pleasant, spoiler or surprise not. Norwegian 'Marco Polo' directors Joachin Ronning and Espen Sandberg really have both cannons loaded. Lighting the action fuse as this 'Fast and Furious' number crunching, chasing franchise pulls a safe...and a house around town with even more horse power. There's plenty to plunder here. This old sea dog still has legs...even if they are pegs. TIM DAVID HARVEY.
See This If You Liked: 'Pirates Of The Caribbean 6: Dead Men Still Tell Tales'. 'Pirates Of The Caribbean 7: On Tides Even Stranger'. 'Pirates Of The Caribbean Infinity: When Will The World End.'
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