Friday, 30 September 2016



Deep Black Sea.

107 Minutes. Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Kate Hudson, Kurt Russell, Dylan O'Brien, Gina Rodriguez, Stella Allen, Ethan Suplee & John Malkovich. Director: Peter Berg.

Disaster struck the gulf coast in 2010 after the largest oil spill in U.S. history happened following an explosion on the rig 'Deepwater Horizon'. 11 workers lost their lives and 17 were injured as a result of the explosion that spilled 200 million gallons worth of oil for 87 straight days, polluting 400 miles of the Louisiana Coast and among other atrocities killing around 8,000 animals. All because some petrol smoking B.P big-wigs wanted to cut corners and save some of that cold, hard, fat-cat cash. Oh they were charged with manslaughter don't worry (although the term should be more like 'mass-slaughter'). But those charges? Last year...dropped like balloon lead. So it's about time somebody did something about that injustice. That's why 'Battleship' director Peter Berg set out to make a movie. But this is no corny sink or swim disaster flick. This is the real deal. The tensest vessell since Tom Hanks' 'Captain Phillips' or 'Sully' saviour. This is not entertainment. This is education. This is not a Hollywood blockbuster just outside the Summer season. This is a scorching alarm clock call that hits you like a ton of bricks. As Berg reunites with 'Lone Survivor' Mark Wahlberg for another modern real-life tale of a real hero triumphing over a seemingly hopeless adversity resulting from mankinds neglectful cruelty, influenced from a greed that does nobody good. Following arguably Wahlberg and Berg's best film-not just collectively-comes a better one. As part of the double-acts dynamic one-two punch this fall. 'Patriots Day' about the Boston Marathon bombing comes next, hitting home for the Beantown born Mark.

That one on the horizon Oscar could be Academy worthy...this one already is? But you best believe the tag team of Berg and Wahlberg aren't out to strike gold. They're not even out to make money. They are out here to make a difference. Teaching an all too soon tragedy to the modern masses more concerned with their phones than their homes...and the world around them. Let alone what's happening to it. This isn't popcorn. This is an explosion of real-life consequences that Berg hits you at all angels with to really hammer his point to the bone. Immersing you to the degree you feel bruised and battered and almost as engulfed as the men on that rig trapped in an inferno of oil and fire that is pure Dante. And again Pete Berg does not do this for your Friday film night shock and awe, but your real and raw taste of the truth. Honouring these men and blue-collar heroes the only way seen fit, with a no cornball, no holes-barred gut-punch of what they don't show you on the news or in a B.P photo-op, press release cover up. As we said this is no Hollywood action-flick. And 'The Fighter' star Mark Wahlberg is no action-hero anymore. He's actually an actor of acclaim that plays regular-Joe, real-life ones all the way down to the tightened laces of his tied boots under blue Springsteen jeans. Born to work, the understated actor knows how to play the corners with restraint all whilst still holding the room. From 'The Departed' to 'The Perfect Storm', Wahlberg is quite possibly-in terms of acting ability-one of the most underrated big-names in the movie world. And that's probably because he's more "industry" than the Hollywood one. And here he honours another survivor like the Marcus Luttrell lone one in Mike Williams with all his heart. We can't wait to see his Boston beat cop courage under Berg's watch again come 'Patriots Day'.

Deeper down this A-list cast of stars are many plus numbers paying tribute to the men and families of Deepwater Horizon. 'Almost Famous' star Kate Hudson is back in the big-time as Wahlberg's Williams' wife. Only a Skype and a million miles away. She plays this perfectly with country 'stand by your man' solidarity and strength of character. A sweet science project scene with loving man and wife and daughter, played by the stellar, Mackenzie Foy ready for the big-time child actor Stella Allen that racheted up the foreshadowing contrasts in the trailer is hallmark wrote. Whilst there is a tender first on-screen moment in movies between Hudson and the husband of her mother Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell. Russell himself back like when he was the thing of big-80's 'Big Trouble' and 'Escape' movies, the Wahlberg to John Carpenter's Berg. Back as fast and as furious as the franchise that picked him and his career back up and applied the nitrus. Keeping the 'Bone Tomahawk' 'tache and the country steer strong attitude of a stern elder statesman. The mans so other-worldly he's about to play a whole planet in Volume 2 of 'Guardians Of The Galaxy'. Here he's trying to save our one from all the egos and he does it with the humblest yet strongest heart of vet courage. 'The Maze Runner' kid Dylan O'Brien is amazing too as he traverses the pipelines and coming of age roles. The same goes for 'Jane The Virgin' star Gina Rodriguez, on career form showing us Gina, the actress. Whilst amongst some 'Unstoppable' familiar faces, 'My Name Is Earl' star Ethan Suplee handles oil rigs better than he did train ones. But it's legend John Malkovich being the B.P. big problem of this picture that really shows us just how much a mans greed for gold can leave them tied to it, drowning in an ocean full of oil. There's nothing slick about this sort of tycoon and whilst Berg illustrates perfectly the couldn't give a rats attitude of the brown nosing big-wigs playing trash paper football as everything is being unknowingly torn and shred around them, Malkovich mesmerizes us in showing the fear behind the dollars in his eyes. The 'In The Line Of Fire' and 'Killing Fields' star out of all the cast members showing exactly how much devestation one mistake can make. Showing the real cost to literally everything that merely making more money for a man already swimming in it and what that actually does. Those men in suits on a high lie watching the honest workers toil through all the trouble below. Those B.P men who still deserve to be in deep water, but won't even see a court date on the horizon. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

Saturday, 24 September 2016



Reunite The Seven.

133 Minutes. Starring: Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke, Vincent D'Onofrio, Byung-hun Lee, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Martin Sensmeier, Haley Bennett, Matt Bomer & Peter Sarsgaard. Director: Antoine Fuqua.

Draw! 'The Magnificent Seven' really does ride again. As 'Olympus Has Fallen' and 'Southpaw' hand Antoine Fuqua reunites with his 'Training Day' Oscar winning leading man, Denzel Washington again, like he did with 'The Equalizer' shoot-out franchise starter two Summers back that will give the legend his first ever sequel in a series akin to a 'Bourne' or Tom Cruise 'Jack Reacher'. As the power pair-much like an 80's Kurt Russell and John Carpenter, or the heights Washington reached with the late, great Tony Scott on the 'Unstoppable', 'Deja-Vu' train tracks of remakes of classics like 'The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3'-remake the Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, Robert Vaughn and Charles Bronson sixties western classic, itself a remake of the 'Seven Samurai' legend by Akira Kurosawa. Taking it back to the old west and sneaking in the last Summer blockbuster of the 'Civil War' year late September before this falls Oscar seasons star wars, this ensemble cast of at last Hollywood diversity must assemble like some old Avengers for a mainstream remake that may not be as bloody as 'Django Unchained', but is certainly no 'Wild, Wild West'. In this 'Bone Tomahawk' and even best film of the year (so far) 'Hell Or High Water' neo Western redux age it looks like the spurs of cowboy boots are a snake in the boots, standing on the back of all your favourite superheroes capes. And with legend Steven Speilberg predicting that comic-book movies will end up going the way of the old rio westerns in this 'Westworld' era fit for an Elmore Leonard or Cormac McCarthy meets Phillip K. Dick maybe it all does go around like a six-shooters chamber. Because this is more than a's redemption. A job for more than one man. More like seven wild seals. Line 'em up...

1. The Bounty Hunter. Denzel Washington plays sworn federal marshall Sam Chisholm with a grit that's true but also the genuine gravitas that has marked Denzel's career. From 'Glory' to 'The Bone Collector', 'Courage Under Fire' to 'Man On Fire', 'American Gangster' to '2 Guns' and every other big blockbuster under his belt or Oscar in his holster. In all black everything down to a horse not pale, this rider is not death. He's justice. It's the integral part of every character Washington lends his hand too (apart from the first lawman he copped with Antoine), integrity. And how great that and he is. 2. The Gambler. Chris Pratt plays Josh Farraday and his Hollywood cards right as a man who is as adept with two smokin' pistols as he is a pair of aces. More Gambit than Star-Lord here, if 'Guardians Of The Galaxy' made him a Harrison Ford, Han Solo like household name, this volume is his Indiana Jones in 'Jurassic World' khakis. Sure this new face of the franchises, partnering sci-fi leading man, sitting shotgun 'Passenger' to Jennifer Lawrence this Christmas may be playing second fiddle here, but the only charmer as charismatic in the West is Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday. Now whose your Huckleberry? 3. The Sharpshooter. In playing distance gunner Goodnight Robicheaux, Ethan Hawke reunites with both Denzel and director Fuqua of their collective 'Training Day' breakout. And his first reunion meeting with Washington makes for a beautiful moment a lot different than the last time these two met. The 'Boyhood', 'Before' star who has seasoned from blockbusters to Oscars over the years is sharp as a tack here. Even if his 'Good Kill' reputation trigger man is floundering with his blunderbuss. In a busy, best year that could go all the way to the Academy with 'Born To Be Blue' the soulful Ethan of jazz offbeat roles is hawking his name to great effect here. He's already been out west once this year, facing off with John Travolta like Denzel in 'Pelham' for 'In The Valley Of Violence' and now the wild talent is back in the saloon. Slide a shot across the bar for him. Think he's had enough? Goodnight!

4. The Tracker. Vincent D'Onofrio's big bear with salt and pepper hair, Jack Horne shows this 'Mag 7' is more than just a big-three. Tracking down yet another accented performance, the voice of 'Daredevil's' Kingpin reunties with another 'Jurassic' Marvel as Chris pratts around with him for some good natured fun. Just make sure you say his name though, for this guy in skin and leather chaps. Vincent D'Onofrio is one of the good ones. 5. The Assassin. It's going to take a few more good men for this job however and Korean Byung-hun Lee is so good with knives he could clear any table...even those hiding under it. The 'G.I. Joe' star who last year took the latest 'Terminator' back to the T-1000 'Genisys' of it's cop character has a deadshot look in his eye only matched by his sniper precise kill skill-set. The rest is no cut contest. 6. The Outlaw. Manuel Garcia-Rulfo as Vasquez really knows how to spin a pistol, just as well as he knows how to spin a stereotype round on its head and put the joke on you. Make all the barroom drunk tequila jokes you want. This 'Dusk Till Dawn' T.V. series star will have the last shot. 7. The Comanche. Martin Sensmeier's Red Harvest completes the seven and this 'Westworld' star brings great honor to his Indian role. If you thought it was all about the stetsons and spurs of cowboys than just wait until this guy puts his war paint on and gets his Hawkeye going. This guy is so Legolas good with a bow and arrow who needs guns? Now Washington and Antoine's 'Equalizer- co-star Haley Benettt is set to break out this year with this and the bestseller of the year, novel adaptation of 'The Girl On The Train' movie expected soon. But after her husband (Matt Bomer on a great turn of his own after playing the bad one in this years 'The Nice Guys') is murdered in the coldest of bloods (yep this is shorter (and spoiler) than what he clocked in 'In Time', but just like that you saw it all in the trailer) this no damsel in distress is a wonder who could make for the magnificence's eighth. All oppossed to the hateful villain played bile vile, sickingley so by a brutually brilliant Peter Sarsgaard. Who looks as born for this role as the 'Black Mass'/'Blue Jasmine' character actor does for the big time. You think a familiar face like this is in more films...because he deserves to be so. All these 'Magnificent Seven' themes like the iconic one are drawn together perfectly by Antoine Fuqua who knows how to direct the old Hollywood west as well as he knows how to showcase a gunfight for the modern mainstream more chest puffing than John Wayne clutching, sternum smoking. Co-wrote by 'True Detective's' Nic Pizzolatto, who with his classic series 1 one-shot, or the epic 'Heat' of season 2 knows how to script a gun battle away from mindless action and into the emotional stakes firing line cross-hairs of what a story is all about. And this one about a band of outlaw brothers protecting a hard working town from rachet evil oppression is a show of by any means necessary solidarity in a time where the world and Hollywood resemble more of the old backwards west than a new frontier on the horizon. With amazing action and subtle smarts in culture and history this cinematic blockbuster totes more than ammo and fires more tham buckshot. We could watch these rifle men repeat like Winchester after a 'Last Samurai' cutting down finale to the end of the barrells chamber. But will 'The Magnificent Seven' ride once again? Or just into the sunset? Either way these heroes for hire are legends like the fall. What did you say these men were called again? TIM DAVID HARVEY.

Monday, 19 September 2016



Breaking Narcos.

127 Mins. Starring: Bryan Cranston, Diane Kruger, John Leguizamo, Benjamin Bratt & Amy Ryan. Director: Brad Furman.

Danger comes for the man who knocks just when you thought he was it! As 'Breaking Bad's' Heisenberg breaks into the bait of Oscar season with this Academy touchdown. Bryan Cranston cranks up the action and even trumps his gold statue nominated 'Trumbo' as he plays trumpet blower, undercover narc Robert Mazur, 'The Infiltrator'. Instigating the investigation on drug-lord Pablo Escobar's real-life 'Scarface' 80's coke empire like Netflix's 'Narcos' as he gets his 'Donnie Brasco' on in too Depp deep. Shot with the vintange look of an instant classic and with a jukebox scoring soundtrack that even Tony Montana could spare a few dimes for, this is Cranston's cinematic best. And he was in both the neon City of Angels 'Drive' and the science fiction scripted, real world saver 'Argo'. Go f### yourself if you don't agree his character would say in reply at his undercover acting so good it's 'Goodfellas' intimidatingly scary. Scary how? Like a champagne Pesci! Because as this actor plays a man acting his whole life away, all sorts of walls are broke as Bryan puts it down whilst trying to put out the mobs business of powdered currency like a seedy bar-room ashtray cigarette. Nothing or nobody can infiltrate Cranston here.

Caught in the middle like Malcolm, this may not knock, knock on the door of 'B.B.', but just watch Bryan brutally execute the facade face of liars and killers beautifully. Even if his 80's Magnum P.I. undercover moustache makes him look like he could play a young Stan Lee in the forthcoming film on the Marvel've seen the mocked up poster too real looking good to be true...well here's what it's from. And to think the 'Batman v Superman' flop had him pegged as the great Lex Luthor villain before Jessie Eisenberg came in to read for another seemingly perfect cast, Jimmy Olsen. Imagine that. Showing a bald part perfect Heisenberg the door for someone they could have just as effectively cast as Luthor's son Alex. It's matter how good Eisenberg was he wish Cranston had Jessie's role. At least we get to settle for the Mister Sinister 'Wolverine 3' villain and what could be a cult legendary Power Rangers adversary. Still in all this talk of playing the villain, here is where you'll Bryan really play the part. Even if it puts everything he's ever worked for in the firing line. From the badge to what lies behind it at home. Truth be told, living a lie has never been this real and raw. That's just how effective this acting is. Like a callous caught in the act cover up moment with his hurt wife and a nervous waiter, cruelly victimized to save their lives in a moment of mob madness seen in many a gangster flick that still sticks to the back of your throat like that all too familiar lump you just can't stomach. Trust me this is one time you wish a man forgot an anniversary. Disgusting and diabolical it all comes crashing and falling and tumbling down in a car wreck moment shot so precisely it does exactly that to your shattered nerves. As our leading man crawls torn skin through broken glass as his anxiety cracks and cracks with each bit of pressure fracturing. In a role played that's so far gone into the life that there is a closeness to the criminals more akin with brotherhood than a cousin of Stockholm Syndrome this all cumilates in something as heartbreaking as that 'Breaking Bad' broken plate. And we aren't talking about no Greek wedding...more like a red one.

Partnering up with our leading man as his undercover lover and fake wife in pearls like a princess is Diane Kruger who goes beyond being a beautiful, familair face to show she just may be the next great leading lady with her top-billing breakout moment to the movie mainstream. Now Kruger who got slices of fame in both Brad Pitt's 'Troy' and 'Inglorious Basterds' will be more known for this and whatever this leads to. We all know in this time thin, blue life the real marriage lies with your job and working the role as his partner in mocked up organized crime, John Leguizamo steals scenes and lines as well he does lives and stories. Because Leguizamo shows just how much it really takes to act a life that is so criminal to you that it threatens to strip away all your integrity. But playing it all in the sinister shadows perfectly the supporting actor that is in everything from his best opener, 'Romeo + Julliet' to last years 'American Ultra' (where Jessie Eisenberg first grew those Luthor locks in the guise of a stoner) is a few spotlights away from his Academy acclaim. But you can for sure put this in the top five for a man that's been in more blockbusters and Oscars than most leads combined. Expect more roles for the brilliant Benjamin Bratt too. Another curious case and familiar face that is finally getting his just deserves, showing how much an impact he can have acting as oppossed to the fun frolics of a 'Miss Congeniality' or 'Despicable Me'. Just like the amazing Amy Ryan of 'Gone Baby Gone' and Oscar bait 'Birdman' and 'Bridge Of Spies' fame. Copping an almost cameo role as a lead investigator much more serious than the zappy, taze happy silly one she had with the comedic 'Central Intelligence' of Kevin Hart and The Rock in their scorching Summer smash ride along. It's all run to protocol lay-up perfection from director Brad Furman getting up from the pacy but stumbling 'Runner, Runner' to show he wasn't just a one by the book hit wonder with his adaptation of Michael Connelly's 'Lincoln Lawyer', Matthew McConaughey's redemption, also with Leguizamo in line with blue bloods. Even intensely taught with dread this one is the law. Forget danger, this mob breaker is a real hit. Cranston and company offer you something you can't refuse. The Oscars won't even need to be handed an envelope under the table for 'The Infiltrator'. Everyone is above board here. It's time Hollywood had them all made. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

Saturday, 10 September 2016



No Country For Old Banks.

102 Mins. Starring: Jeff Bridges, Chris Pine, Ben Foster, Katy Mixon & Gil Birmingham. Director: David Mackenzie.

Come 'Hell Or High Water' you'll see the best picture this year. Mark my words. Parlayed between the 'Captain America-Civil War' and 'Suicide Squad' Summer blockbusters and the Oscar season 'Gold' and 'Sully' fall bait comes a film just as exciting and emotive as the elements those two polar times for mainstream movies each evoke. Take a marshalling law-man with crazy grit, but a true heart and pair him with a Comanche partner. And you have the perfect 'Starskey and Hutch' dynamic duo to go after the 'Bonnie and Clyde' one two-punch of two outlaws that really are top draw, bank-rolling the car-door sprayed amazing action. One man whose been outside the law for many a set-piece and one former pretty boy turned Floyd. Desperate with measures the same. Add some script seasoning from 'Sicario' scribe Taylor Sheridan who laid down the best film of last year in that Benicio Del Toro gangland border thriller with Emily Blunt and Josh Brolin. The call of a stirring singer/songwriter Nick Cave's strongest soundtrack since he went 'Lawless' with Tom Hardy and Shia LaBeouf and you have the perfect direction for David Mackenzie whose known for getting 'Money Monster' Jack O'Connell 'Starred Up' for his time in prison. Behind these bars you can now see the best neo-western since the Cohen Brothers took Cormac McCarthy's novel idea that this America was no land for retired folk. And come a high water time and tide were movies like 'Free State Of Jones' and 'The Magnificent Seven' Washington equalizer remake are taking these United States back to their roots, this modern classic of today's Texas still stuck in the spurred bolts and chaps of the Wild West really catches hell.

Burning like brimstone in the fires of this native land, the look of Dante gives us an omen of the inferno that's about to come. Because the only thing more dangerous than a downtrodden, revenge ravaged man out for his own brand of justice, with nothing to lose but everything for his family to gain is a brotherhood of them. And boy Ben Foster is the craziest man to hit this town since Ben Affleck called Jeremy Renner his best friend. Foster's approach to movies is casino chips down, all in dedicated. And behind that maverick moustache is a recognisable face of the Hollywoodland household that is known for being more than a supporting character actor, but an acclaimed actor ready for the Academy. From '3:10 To Yuma' and 'Aint Them Bodies Saints' he knows all about classic and nostalgic westerns akin. And from 'Contraband' to his leading man breakout Lance Armstrong 'Program' portrayal he knows all about true crime and the like too. But right now this may be the forthcoming Tom Hanks 'Inferno' actor that is in everything's best work in a Springsteen jean and bootcut hard worn career. Alongside this chameleons greatest shade and side is his dual 2016, co-star Chris Pine's 'Finest Hour' too. The charming, charismatic captain of many a vessell goes beyond 'Star Trek' for his finest year even. As his drawn out descent into darkness shows just how much range he really has in the South. It's a good look being Wonder Woman's boyfriend right now in this Dawn Of Justice. Sure his moustache and slicked back long-hair may put him in the same league of looking like Colin Farrell in 'True Detective', but just like that Irish man made good, he shows he really can act too. And this Jack Ryan of all trades, fangirls favourite, forever young Pine can bring the eye-ring weathered look of a milleniaal that looks like he's lived nine more lives than the men on his trail and tail as he chases after a line of credit, come heist or high rates. Evolving from a pretty duckling to a Gosling. The sign of this star looks headed towards Leo.

Unless the Rooster gets him. Cocked and loaded with Cogburn's soul for justice whichever way it comes, this may be the best of Bridges from the Freeman rivalling voice of Jeff that you would even listen to reading the phone book...let alone your rights. Now you know you have to hear this dudes solo album. Sure he may be a little weathered for the futures of 'Tron', but his legacy doesn't reside in the past but today's legend of the old west. This may just be better than 'True Grit' and 'Crazy Heart' combined...and to think he got an Oscar nod for one. Well get ready to tip your stetson once more, because he may just add another one to his Academy. Bigger than Lebowski, Jeff and the West go together like good music and Austin, or Mavericks and Dallas. This jester of a footsoldier in this tragedy offset by comedy is an equal measure of restrained passion in a rawly puncuated performance. We just hope the king of the rocking chair will always have one hunt left in him. Because Beau's brother needs no partner. But he has one whether his mild 'Dirty Harry' off-color remarks actually like it or not. And Gil Birmingham gives him the perfect bantering one just west of Alabama for a performance rooted in a strong soul, masked by a mild-mannered demeanour that never wavers. As stoic but sound as his regulation issue starched shirt and tie and the soul shielded aviators. Birmingham will be known for more now than just being a face in 'Twilight'. By the dawn of this deep South picture he will have found his place on the map. Just like 'H.O.H.W'. This heaven sent new depth with a side of 'Mike and Molly's' Katy Mixon's waitress sass that is just the tip. The smartest, biggest film of 2016. Ready for Friday or February. Turns out Hollywood does still make films like it used to. Hell! TIM DAVID HARVEY.

Thursday, 8 September 2016



Buns Out, Tongs Out.

88 Mins. Starring: Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Craig Robinson, Paul Rudd, James Franco, Danny McBride, Nick Kroll, David Krumholtz, Salma Hayek & Edward Norton. Directors: Conrad Vernon & Greg Tiernan.

Cloudy with a chance of speedballs, to be frank 'Sausage Party' is f###### sick. And we mean that like how both the adults and kids say it. To those who think funniest man alive with the best laugh, Seth Rogen ruined Christmas 'The Night Before' with the last yuletide he brought, then just wait until you see what the masturbating mind behind all the best comedies does with the 'Toy Story' concept under a tree. Pixar this is not. Even if all too hilariously and regretably some cinemas promotion team didn't realize what they were doing putting an R rated trailer for this great skitish "bake" off right before the 'Finding Nemo' sequel, hoping all our memories would be Dory. North Korea tried to neuralyze 'The Interview'. The whole United Nations will have a problem with Rogen's biggest sausage fest since the 'This Is The End' ensemble without a single pineapple to be scanned on the express counter. Still it's a Christopher Mintz-Plasse McMuffin away from being a Supersub of 'Superbad' actors as Jonah Hill, Michael Cera and even a shelves load of talent Bill Hader are here for this secret life of pork products that see directors Greg Tiernan and Conrad Vernon sell their 'Thomas the Tank' and 'Shrek' souls for these foods. This stuff makes a real meal out of everything from race and religion to 'The Great Beyond'...and we aren't talking about no random R.E.M. hit for the new Frat Pack generation. Forget dreaming. You must be mushroom-ing!

Food heaven is the hallucination for these counter products. Being boiled and troubled, sliced and diced and all things not so nice is the food hell reality for these chopping board bound supplies. And making this an animated adult plot point is so genius and gross even 'Family Guy' Peter Griffin might have to shield Stewies eyes. This is for big kids only, who will know they're in on the joke. Date night or not ("one for the Sausage Party please"...yeah thanks Seth!). Rogen rocking a big package wrapped in a Sinatra tux plays Frank, strung along with his Frat furter bros. Looking to make a hot dog sandwich out of great neighbour Kristen Wiig's curvy, doughy Brenda Bunton with extra mustard colonels. Yep, that's right! That's your premise. But here's a Mickey Mouse white gloved hand for Rogen who is on spicy fire here. Having the balls to do this aswell as a big dog. Wiig is on a dime here too following her proton powered, slime-tastic 'Ghostbusters' reboot. That did so much for gender roles in movies, despite the ignorant internet backlash from small boys. Sure she may essentially be playing a piece of a## here but these stereotypes are all in satire. If we're too easily offended...the joke may be on us. Because they all bring something special here. Like the 'Superbad' high-school reunion. As current 'War Dogs' star Jonah Hill joins a pack of wiener-dogs to show he's not too 'Moneyball' big enough to still do Seth Rogen roll calls. But it's geek-legend best friend Michael Cera who steals the show, essentialy playing a small-penis. Whilst blue co-star and 'Trainwreck' leading man Bill Hader-the inspired impressionist-cops three roles as some Indian firewater, a gangster guacamole and a shot of tequila. And you can't even tell a single one is him. I know f### us right!?

Unrecognizable but also unmistakably great are some of the humans played by check the credits with amazement, Paul Rudd as a spotty Simpsons-student shopkeeper and James Franco as a junkie with a spliff sense that sees junk food. This is the funniest James and Paul have been since their respective 'Night Before' dick-pic and 'This Is The End' champagne crying cameos. As a matter of fact you can't even tell it's a east aisle and big-swinging Danny McBride playing a jarred jar of something you're not exactly sure what is. Is it honey? Is it mustard? Spreading the A-list of hilarity further Seth's oldest friend Craig Robinson plays a box of Grits that hates crackers...yeah they said it! And that's where the stereotypes get really testy as Davind Krumholtz plays a wrap from the middle-east of the store called, wait for it...Kareem Abdul-Lavash. Who hates a jewish bread called Sammy Bagel Jr...played by Edward Norton of all people. The Academy Award winning actor and Avenging Hulk is anything but green here, putting on a recognisable but accented performance. You will like him when he's nasaly. But never fear what has tore them apart can always be put back hummus. And if you thought that was bad they make a taco out of a sizzling Salma Hayek. Just don't call her something like Teres...whoops! Too late! But it's all in good natured, tongue-in-cheek ribbing. What more could you expect when character actor David Kroll almost steals the show as the villain, playing a douche...literally. But if you thought these guys are a bunch of bags then check your eyes and think again. Your crying with laughter, but there's something to be said with all these sterotypes. And Seth Rogen hopes you get the real joke, even if critics have their toothpicks out for the best food related puns we've seen since there was a leek in the boat. And the greatest food musician cameo...and we aren't talking about no Red Hot Chili Peppers or Black Eyed Peas. Because between a twinkie with a Trump toupee and a piece of gum that looks like a cross between Professor Stephen Hawking and Krang from the Turtles the only time this dish gets too close to the bone is during a food fight parody of 'Saving Private Ryan' that for the nature of what the movie is really about is a little too tasteless for our liking. Apart from that don't get hangry because this silly 'Sausage Party' is just dumb fun that only gets really crazy when you get a real shot and load of food porn. This is one meal for your Instagram that has no filter. Not a sausage! TIM DAVID HARVEY.

Monday, 5 September 2016


Contest Of Captains.

(WARNING: Contains Spoilers For 'Captain America-Civil War')

Today sees the release of 'Captain America-Civil War' on DVD in Britain. And the last time we saw Steve Rogers in the movie blockbuster event of the year he was plain-clothed about to break the rest of The Avengers out of  'The Raft' Prison 42, Negative Zone like cell from the comics. Unless you count the "real Marvel fans stay-behind" after credits scene of 'Civil War' where Cap leaves Bucky with T'Challa's Black Panther, safe in the nation of Wakanda...again suited up in street clothes like he was for most of 'The Winter Soldier'. This all after he dropped his Shield like a Gladiator after driving it into the light of Iron Man's arc reactor chest again and again. Despite the fact that his vibranium frisbee was made by no other than Howard Stark. Tony's pop.

O.K. so he didn't die! But the Russo Brothers have confirmed that Chris Evans will not return as Captain America for their 67 Marvel cinematic character strong 'Avengers-Infinity War' in 2018. Instead the man who has also played Johnny Blaze's Human Torch for the 'Fantastic Four' movies and appeared in comic-book adaptations like 'The Losers' and 'Scott Pilgrim vs The World' will enter Nomads land as the character good ole Steve becomes in the comics once he abandons the old fashions of the star and stripes. And to think his suit in 'Cap 2' was a hint at him giving up Marvel's most meaningful mantle. Looks like the skinny kid from Brooklyn on steroids can't do this all day after all. But as statues have even be erected in real-life New York for this comic icon, who will pick up the Shield for Captain America and The Avengers?

In the red corner with a 'Shining' elevator like tide of blood crimson star, dripping like his ledger is a man so ready to carry vibranium his whole arm was made of it. That was until Tony Stark blew it off from his chest plate. Comic legend says that Steve's best friend Bucky Barnes takes on the Captain America role after ditching his brainwashed Winter Soldier assassin villian and it seems to make sense. Especially with the Easter Egg like hint in 'Civil War' as Cap and Buck had a two-on-one beat-down on Stark that saw them switch between holding the shield as it bounced off the hull of Iron Man's exterior suit. More Easter evidence is given to that in a deleted scene from the epic airport set-piece in the conclusion of the 'Captain America' trilogy where Buck picks up Cap's shield again during a fight with Iron Man's own sidekick Jim Rhodes' War Machine only to say "I got to get me one of these"! Yeah?! Really?! You mean it?! Looks like it's on!

But then again if you watch the scene look who takes the rebounded shield and flies it back to Cap. It's a nice little assist to this dual dynamic oc which member of the duo is going to be the one. Because think about it. It's going to take a hell of a lot for Tony to give his father Howard's shield back to Captain America...especially if that Captain America is Seargant Barnes. The Buck that killed his dad. Brainwashed or not...I can't really see that washing. This may mean the Shield and the American flag of Marvel's Avengers will fly with the Falcon. Anthony Mackie in the blue corner staring down Sebastian Stan's other sidekick. Wanting to prove this bird with the drones military cinematic upgrade is no Robin, Ant could be the man to take the giant step to being the super soldier, no serum. 'The Hurt Locker' star has barracks of experience, especially in changing fates with 'The Adjustment Bureau'. And whoever came up with this amazing concept art above has an eye for the future, just like the comic one who have already given the Falcon this ultimate, all-'American' upgrade. Look at it. Look at it! Make him the Captain now. TIM DAVID HARVEY.