REVIEW: MADAME WEB

3/5

Into The Spider Web.

116 Mins. Starring: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O'Connor, Tahar Rahim, Mike Epps, Emma Roberts & Adam Scott. Director: S.J. Clarkson. In: Theatres. 

Into the Spider "worse", if only 'Madame Web' could really see into the future. Then the clairvoyant, precognitive mutant from Marvel Comics could see all the rotten reviews for her new Sony movie and all the tomatoes thrown by trolls. Not to mention the online rumours that many theatres were reporting of refund requests. Whilst the stars of the said film were being duped into believing that they were entering the M.C.U. like The Joker always intended on 'The Dark Knight'. Wrong movie? You bet! Because across this Spider-verse we are truly 'Far From Home' here with no Garfield, or Maguire. Yet, this 'Madame', with more critical fangs out for it than the venom that 'Morbius' received, feels as early 2000s as 'Bully Maguire' dancing to the soundtrack and the setting of this blockbuster that rewinds right past that pre-Netflix video store. And in a day and age where the third 'Fantastic Four' iteration (or is that four, dear John? I should keep quiet and in my place) since way back then will retro it up in the swinging sixties, there's nothing wrong with a throwback.

If Beyoncé's 'Dangerous In Love' really was about to come out, and Britney Spears' 'Toxic' had everyone dancing on the tables without knowing who it was really about, then 'Web' alongside Jared Leto's 'Morbius' and Tom Hardy's 'Venom' would Voltron form a big-three that would take pride of place next to those fun, early 21st century, 'Spider-Man', 'Fantastic Four' and 'X-Men' movies. But this is another time and tide. The age of "haterade", where even the fun-filled NBA All-Star Weekend is greeted with folded arms and mean tweets, when those paying it all to be in attendance are too busy looking down at their phones to see what's happening above the rim. Entertainment, again, is meant to be enjoyed, but it seems we can't get enough of hating the things we love. Marvel, in particular, right now is facing the tide turning toxic trend of getting it from all corners, and all studios. Even the mighty M.C.U. is getting it in the neck like an 'Old School' Will Ferrell, to keep the references in line and time. Especially when the films are fronted by what the Jordan Peterson crowd would refer to as "females". Please! What was really so bad about the fresh and fun, 'Attorney At Law', She-Hulk going deeper than 'Deadpool' (in more ways than one). And 'The Marvels' wasn't half-bad, either. And I haven't got a balcony ready, "it was all bad" comment primed like some muppets. Critics are calling it, "'Madame Web' is not as bad as you think", they say. "It's worse!" Sure, it's a long way from being a great movie and the franchise this origin story sets up may already be dead in the water, but you can still enjoy it whilst it lasts.

'Fifty Shades Of Gray' star bonds herself to this picture, even if we'll never see 'Madame Web: And She's Back'. But seriously, people quick to ridicule, don't actually see when people are having fun back, just for a laugh. Jokes on them, I guess. 'The Lost Daughter' star knows how to do the heavy lifting when the spider silk strand thin plot requires it. Charging this picture with her paramedic heart paddles. Anyone who believes she's the problem with this picture that belongs in the past like its period will be given the Ellen treatment. You're not getting one over on her. Or dutiful director S.J Clarkson, who makes her big-screen debut after helming everything from episodes of the best show on TV ('Succession'), to Marvel's own street-level Netflix heroes ('The Defenders'). Once upon a time...in new Hollywood, Sydney Sweeney steals the show in the SSU, as the 'Anyone But You' star like a Rolling Stone music video, may not be in the MCU, but should Multiverse jump as a perfect Spider-Woman if there's any justice. Ditto to an inspired Isabela Merced ('Transformers: The Last Knight', 'Sicario: Day Of The Soldado') and 'Selah and the Spades' star Celeste O'Connor forming their own teenage dream big-three of the future we'll sadly never see like Madame. Oh, but no one say's "it's webbin' time", before you believe everything you read online, like when Martin Scorsese called the 'Fast and the Furious' franchise "cinema". Well...it is, but I'm still confused. Does Christopher Nolan actually like it? Don't be so quick to discredit a film which has a fond cameo from comedian Mike Epps and also features 'Napoleon' standout Tahar Rahim as Ezekiel, looking more like Spider-Man 2099 in a nice looking suit. And just you wait until Easter-or the streaming release, it seems-to find out who Emma Roberts and Adam Scott play perfectly. Even then, this franchise knows when to pull it back. If only critics could. Don't get lost in the web. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

Further Filming: 'The Marvels', 'Morbius', 'Venom'.