REVIEW: DEATH ON THE NILE

3.5/5

Nile's Out.

127 Mins. Starring: Tom Bateman, Annette Bening, Kenneth Branagh, Russell Brand, Ali Fazal, Dawn French, Gal Gadot, Armie Hammer, Rose Leslie, Emma Mackey, Sophie Okonedo, Jennifer Saunders & Letitia Wright. Director: Kenneth Branagh. 

ALL ABOARD! Well...almost all. Cancel culture isn't running out of steam in Hollywood, and here's one you can call by his name. But between looking at all the grey areas of the Will Smith slap heard all around the social media world in black and white and figuring out which member of the new 'Harry Potter' franchise is fantastic and which is a beast, it's all getting exhausting. Especially when we write to celebrate entertainment, not pick it apart like the 'Speakeasy' of Ronny Chieng's latest Netflix special that takes it to those finding flaws with something made out of joy says. Also, just like with a house of falling cards, one man shouldn't stop the whole show when other innocent parties have given their all to creating this craft. And we aren't just talking about the Hollywood elite, but all the departments in all their designs behind the scenes. Even if this man is Kevin Spacey. Or Armie Hammer. Accused of not only sexual assault, but cannabalism?! Yes the 'Call Me By Your Name' and 'The Social Network' dual star is a talented actor, but this next to Weinstein is the worst case yet. Disney didn't even have the 'All The Money In The World' dollars to digitally replace Armie. Taking a hammer and nail to this like when said Ridley Scott movie replaced Spacey with the late, great Christopher Plummer of 'Knives Out' fame and an Oscar nomination. So even the posters bore Hammer's name and likeness as this COVID cancelled cruise finally made it's way to cinematic shores before heading for port in the bays of Disney +. Where we now find it in Japan after giving it a wide social distance berth in theatres. We can wait a few weeks. Especially with Japanese movie release dates. We've been late already. It seems like a sign of the apocalypse that there's an Oscar nominated movie that's been out for months starring one of the Haim sisters (Alana) and I STILL haven't seen it. Like one adapted from a Murakami short story (the Oscar winning 'Drive My Car') I said should have been a movie years ago (but they only have subtitles here for Hollywood movies. I learnt that the hard way watching the international '355'. I have no chance with 'Coda'). But fear not, here's a PSA. PTA's 'Licorice Pizza' comes out in the Far East ON JULY THE FIRST!?! That's further back than my hairline. We learnt from the 'The King's Man' and Wes Anderson's 'The French Dispatch of the Liberty Kansas Evening Sun' report burning and fooling us twice. We love cinema and literally going to the cinema, but to pay all that buck and risk even more. Just for it to be on the streaming service as soon as it's off the big-screens?! Nah! Like Bush said, "you can't get fooled again." But add a nah for avoiding this epic ensemble that has so many players in they had to put them all in alphabetical order to keep top-billing and egos in check. Even if French will always go with Saunders like birds of a feather...or was that 'Absolutely Fabulous'? Wait...that was Joanna Lumley! See how confusing it all gets these days? 

Mighty 'Thor' director and literally Shakespearean actor ('All Is True'), Kenneth Branagh should be in the time of his life. His beautiful black and white look of his 'Belfast' upbringing was a critics choice with Oscar nominated Academy acclaim, if anyone can remember anything else about that ceremony this year. 'The Snyder Cut' of 'Justice League' could have won Best Picture (we still love it though) and no one would have bat (pun intended) an eye-lid. But COVID and controversy dulled the hull of the pyramid scheme of this 'Death On The Nile' directed sequel, playing the moustachio Poirot again, like the slick sleuth of 'Knives Out' (one last time, we still feel this Rian Johnson franchise has missed a trick in not calling the sequel 'Knives In' like a 'Now You See Me', 'Now You Don't' sequel. But then again we did bottle headlining this review 'Nile's Blame', Frasier fans) did his original Agatha Christie murder mystery adaption train trip, 'Murder On The Orient Express'. All whilst lead and forthcoming 'Cleopatra' star Gal Gadot with an Easter Egg, no stranger to her (un)fair share of criticism lately (imagine) and her 'Wonder Woman 1984' sequel has caught flack off Marvel 'Moon Knight' director Mohamed Diab for its inaccurate portrayals of Egypt. But still, all of this aside as 'Death' sets sail on stormy seas, navigating its way past all this chop, it's still a worthy sequel that we should have made the Titanic sized IMAX journey to see. Although this movie is also being taken to town for its waterlogged CGI (although all we see is postcard perfect, lavish locations). What more can you expect from a movie pandemic delayed somewhere between the runtime of the latest Bond with 'No Time To Die' and this May's 'Maverick' Tom Cruise that it may as well have been made when the first 'Top Gun' took flight? And then Letitia Wright spoke out against the vaccine. But at this point if you're letting Kyrie Irving play, I'd let her too. As long as she's not spreading misinformation like a Joe Rogan, she's entitled to her own opinion and reason why, as long as she keeps everyone else safe. We don't fear the factor of her being the rightful heir to the late, great Chadwick Boseman's 'Black Panther' throne. Middle finger and all. 

Wish for the Nile like Aladdin, following the 1937 book and the movie back in '78. Because Branagh brings brilliant backstory in beautiful black and white. With lights, camera direction and acting action to why Poirot has his symbolic lip scarf, as iconic as Sherlock's deerstalker, my dear. But as all is fair in love and war and with a passenger list like this there was always going to be a stowaway or two, let's take roll alphabetically like the cast-list billing. Although we're going to stop on the Hammer time if you don't mind. After finding love on the 'Orient Express' with 'Star Wars' Rey of light Daisy Ridley, Tom Bateman is back as Bouc, Poirot's trusted companion. Stealing the show from all these famous faces with his heart. But it's legend Annette Bening as his domineering mother who really dominates and elevates the class of these proceedings. Of course this is Kenneth Branagh's voyage...and he matches blockbuster alongside indie like story direction with delightful fun, twirling his moustache once again as he must ask everyone a question once more. Accented in a moment of perfect shot taking in the sphinx and pyramid behind, just like the last supper like interrogation one from 'Murder' of all the A-list who's who. An almost unrecognisable (at least until he speaks) Russell Brand (suited and booted) is one of the best things about this picture. And even without Judi Dench in this sequel, 'Victoria and Abdul' and Bollywood legend Ali Fazal gives this story of murder and motive in all its dark decadence so much more depth on these high seas. The most fond and favourable thing about all of this down the Nile however is the reunion of Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders (alphabet be damned. They have to go together. It's all love). Whilst Gadot is a born international Hollywood star. The wonder like the movie before '1984' back in the starlet time were her classic Hollywoodland style belongs. 'Downton Abbey' and 'Game Of Thrones' famous face Rose Leslie really makes the big-screen transition with ease like she did with significant roles in the cult Vin Diesel ('The Last Witch Hunter') and Anya Taylor-Joy ('Morgan') movies. Love is a dangerous thing though. And jilted lover Emma Mackey of Netflix's 'Sex Education' will show you just how much a heart breaks with sympathy for the devil of a demonised woman. But it's the instantly recognisable, CBE, Tony Award winning, British actress, Sophie Okonedo of the incredible 'Hotel Rwanda' who will really take your heart under the spotlight as an accented American jazz singer. Lastly, but by no means least of all, Leititia Wright with more than a 'Small Axe' to grind is wonderful and a throwback herself. Showing the stars of the future know how to act like the icons of all amongst all these legends. Produced from the Ridley Scott 'House Of Gucci', this murderous mystery of a movie really picks up steam in the terrific third-act at gun point. Ratched all the way up after some time were you may wish to retire to your cabin. But that's just the investigatory nature of these slow burner matinee like Sunday mid-morning movies. With murder in the mist, crimson smoke billows out of this ships chimney like the blood in the water that is making all the sharks come, as the Nile turns into the red, dead sea. Clouding controversy may have made its way through this death boat like COVID through the cruise ship that harboured here in Yokohama before the planets pandemic begun, but 'Death On A Nile' still doesn't run aground. It stays the course in a time were it's hard for any of us to. And that makes it worth the trip. TIM DAVID HARVEY. 

Further Filming: 'Murder On The Orient Express', 'Knives Out', 'Belfast'.