REVIEW: FANTASTIC BEASTS - THE SECRETS OF DUMBLEDORE

 

3.5/5

Wand-a-vision.

142 Mins. Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Jude Law, Ezra Miller, Dan Fogler, Alison Sudol, Callum Turner, Jessica Williams & Mads Mikkelsen. Director: David Yates. 

It's a Mads Wizarding World now the Danish Mikkelsen 'Hannibal' villain of 'Casino Royale' 007 fame has replaced Johnny Depp after the 'Crimes of Grindelwald' (Mads already has wand experience after his spell with 'Doctor Strange' before all this madness).  All for another round of the Harry Potter prequel franchise 'Fantastic Beasts' from the scripts of J.K. Rowling. But production of these powerful potions have been mired by more controversy and constraints than that coiled wire of unbreakable blood oath wrapped around Dumbledore's arm...talk about secrets. If you thought COVID-19 was bad enough for the movie business (Tom Cruise's 'Top Gun' sequel over 35 years in the making 'Maverick' finally lands next month after taking a two year detour), how about cancel culture? After losing his libel case to The Sun of all damn newspapers (they called him a "wife beater"), Johnny Depp stepped down (put this in inverted commas if you see fit) from 'The Secrets Of Dumbledore' after his big reveal at the end of the fresh out the suitcase 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them' put a spell on audiences worldwide. Just when we were getting over him technically "replacing" the great Colin Farrell from the first film (ah well, he has a new Penguin suit to wear for a season or two, waddling in cuffed kind). Now it seems like there will be a new iteration of Grindelwald each film like when Depp, Farrell and Dumbledore himself Jude Law fondly filled in for the late, great Heath Ledger lost before the end of Terry Gilliam's 'The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus'. But Mads is maddening and brutally brilliant as a vile villain who shows veins of humanity with the heart of matters and a gentlemen's conversation over high tea with the bearded Albus. Akin to Dr. Watson himself's stirring 'Sherlock Holmes' film off of Guy Ritchie's Baker Street, tapping the porcelain twice like toast. 

Losing Depp would be a deep blow if it wasn't for the magnificent Mikkelsen. Who even has something in GQ to say to the 'Morbius' methods of  villains who take their crutches to the toilets as part of the act (you'll settle for a wheelchair?! We like you, buddy, but do you know how insulting that is on so many levels?). Pausing production more than this movie ("it's bull####!"). But it seems that Johnny has been blackballed by Hollywood for longer than this since his private life with Amber Heard came to the tabloid surface and the social media court of public opinion. Remember the sequel poster? It all started around the departure time of  'Belfast's' own Kenneth Branagh's take on Agatha Christie's 'Murder On The Orient Express', playing Poirot. Yet they can have a potential rapist and cannibal(?!) on their 'Death On The Nile' journey. There's not much studios can do in the face of all these popping up problems and backlash. Who knows who will be the villain tomorrow. Especially when most productions wrapped before the pandemic. But in this boy that cried wolf time of McCarthyism amongst those who should be rightfully brought to justice, plain and simple (Weinstein, Spacey). The one sized fits all approach is one that changes with who's looking in the mirror of this cinematic game of costume play. Depp who used to delight in showing up at the Magic Kingdom and even local schools in character, dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow for the fans is sunk now like 'Pirates Of The Caribbean'. His career is over faster than a speeding Smith slap (we've touched on that). Disney is done and Warner Bros too. Yet, there was two sides to this story...and abuse. You heard about Amber keeping her 'Aquaman' gig right?! Different strokes an all that, folks. And how about Ezra Miller?! They're here in this movie despite their Flash like descent into troubled territory and their own alleged abusive and criminal behaviour. This being more recent, mind. They put in another dark and decadent performance here, with 'Azkaban' arresting shades. But what about the real human horrors behind the wand or what for someone else would be bars? They don't have to turn theirs in, but shouldn't they at least be held accountable if everyone else is? Right now Warner Bros has put this wizard and whizzing superhero and their projects on pause.. 

J.K. Rowling. There...I said it. Don't Chappelle me. I'm not 'Team TERF' (never that), but this is all getting ridiculous. We're getting Carano canned now for opinions...never mind how outrageous they are. This reminds me of the time rumour had Terrence Howard losing his 'Iron Man' spot as War Machine because he didn't support Barack Obama. This is pre-Trump, he wasn't MAGA or anything. Of course not. Obama just apparently wasn't for him. Its his opinion. It might not be the best one in mine, but it still belongs to him. Sure the Rowling row, rolling in the deep, argues that if our free speech is causing abuse then it's caustic and needs to be dealt with like Roald Dahl's (still an amazing author, who even brings heart to 'War'. Read all about it and the self portrait on the cover) family apologising. But how about the death threat just made against her from a member of the trans community? Everyone is still flocking to Hogwarts in this pick and choose your poison time and we really didn't want to make this whole review or Fantastic film about this. Let's make the only crime remaining being the time it took me to actually start reading the Harry Potter books. Twenty years and two girlfriends. I haven't even seen the movies, shocker alert! But I'm not cheating...these are prequels. Still, when J.K. doesn't even get invited to the reunion of the very thing she created. Shunned by the stars she helped make. Things begin to become a joke like downing too much Giggle Water (we see you, Jacob). What she said is wrong, sure. But the response has been wrong at times too. Like Mads said we need to have an "adult conversation." And this one just doesn't want to join in on the Rowling witch-hunt, just like Jason Isaacs doesn't want to. What's so wrong with a little peace, love and understanding...on all sides? We can't move on, if we don't allow people the time to grow. With us...together. As for this fantabulous 'Fantastic' film in beast mode, as I arrive in a tweed coat this Summer eve like I'm actually in the movie. Rowling's slick script is given an amazing assist by Potter adapter Steve Kloves. Adapted with epic direction from Michael Keato...I'm sorry David Yates. The man who finished the last half of Harry strong just like he does in this spin-off, franchise, prequel picture's cinematic and climatic third act. The great Jude Law. Never looking better in his bowler hat, waistcoat and slicked back hair. Bringing bruised soul to this disorder and a love even a China ban can't break. Shares an equal billing here with the lovable, albeit awkward Newt of Eddie Redmayne. Still pining over the literally moving photos (my favourite thing about this wizardly place) on his case like the stick man creatures that inhabit it, Niffler nibbling for spare pocket change. And for the love of God, there is something here cuter than the deer of Japan's Nara Park that bow for biscuits too. For 'Queen and Country' and worthy of 'The Crown', Callum Turner is brilliant as Newt's brother to boot. Especially when they hilariously crab walk together in a daring dance that will scorpion sting your funny bone. But it's 'The Daily Show' and '2 Dope Queens' star Jessica Williams that well and truly steals the show from everyone in this ensemble. Even the loving return of the crowning Queenie (Alison Sudol) and the fabulous baker boy Dan Fogler and his Brooklyn bakery in the heart of DUMBO. Under that iconic, cobbled, old time look of the Manhattan Bridge across the water. That time we saw him in the rain left us like that crying meme. Don't play with our emotions again like this. In a world of muggles (that "most dangerous" line from the first film resonates even more now), this child seems cursed. But it still has a few tricks up its sleeve before the curtain. A few more points for Hufflepuff and a heavenly Gregory Porter number. Two more movies, too. You're still a Wizard, Eddie. TIM DAVID HARVEY. 

Further Filming: 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them', 'Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald', 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner Of Azkaban'.