Friday, 24 June 2016



Must Reboot Faster!

120 Minutes. Starring: Jeff Goldblum, Liam Hemsworth, Bill Pullman, Maika Monroe, Jessie Usher, Travis Tope, William Fitchner, Vivica A. Fox, Judd Hirsch & Brent Spiner. Director: Roland Emmerich.

July 4th hasn't even been celebrated yet, but idiots are already running round screaming 'Independence Day' like someone lit a firework up their a##! O.K. so that was a little aside attempt at a punch to politics. Not so subtle I know, but 'White House Down' director Roland Emmerich is a stranger to subtely too. Making his point with his own laws of gravity whilst dropping a spiralling Burj Khalifa onto the Houses of Parliment for all London Eyes to see. As the Big Smoke burns in a brimstone red across the Thames that shows you what it would have looked like if Guy Fawkes got away with what worse are getting away with now. London is burning alright but it makes for the early and most epic scene in this so called 'Resurgence' that is "so" 'Independence Day' it's been released in June. "They like to get the landmarks" the legend Goldblum drolly deadpans in a marvellous meta joke at the world going to pieces that just may be the best thing about this film. But spoiler alert, you can see that genius reference to Martian's always hovering over our metropolises in the trailer. The original, outstanding 'Independence Day' was a nineties classic. This is nostalgia injected with 'Fast and Furious' nitrus. With a bloated boost of akward action a Bay of Michael's would be proud of. A rush of blockbuster to the headache. Cinematic candy tander mount to an over excited kid opening up a sweet bag too quickly all over the row. But you dont have to worry about tearing your packet open slowly and carefully during the certifications. This film is so surround pound loud you won't be disturbing anyone! You would have thought we would have learnt from the apocalypse of '2012'...or even this years 'X-Men' mutant meltdown. Sure we had twenty years to prepare...but so did Emmerich!

Now Will Smith is in this picture...albeit in portrait form. Hanging in the previously obliterated down White House. Sorry to disappoint you. There's no cameo or spoiler surprise here. Just a terrible tribute in the form of a hero dying during a test flight. That's like a welcome back to earth, grounding punch. It's rumoured Smith passed on this sequel due to his other science fiction commitments to the critically panned 'After Earth'. But I tell you that film were lions, tigers and bears (oh my) get their revenge on everyone who doesn't adopt a a vegan diet had a lot more humanity than this alien picture. It's a shame because the man thats saved the world outside it more times than fellow former most bankable Hollywood star Matt Damon has been rescued could have saved both this movie and his own career. Still without a Will there's still a way and in showing you to your seats Jessie Usher certainly has the firework confidence for this close encounter. But it's a shame they didn't go with the grown up actor that originally played Smith's son...and we aren't talking about Jaden. That would have made the scenes with the ever hard working Vivica A. Fox that much more meaningful. The same could be said for the Presidents daughter Maika Monroe who may not be Marylin, but is more than your average bombshell, flying a bomber and dropping everything else on tired Hollywood stereotypes. Whilst 'Hunger Games' player Liam Hemsworth is the new franchise face card here and no discount Chris as Thor's younger brother shows he has as much charm as Loki. From this new big three to Travis Tope's perfect dope the kids are alright but in a throwback to the golden era of blockbusters best we want to hear from the old heads.

Because this film really wouldn't fly without Jeff. And Goldblum is gold again back in the co-pilots seat with the best one-liners coming from his trademark offbeat, beat poet like dialogue delivery. But he should have saved 'Jurassic World' with Star Lord instead of these prats. Do we really have to put him behind the yellow line and wheel of a school bus full of children screaming for a selfie with one hell of a funky mothership connection that is as impressive and epic as the famous desert set-pieces white sand. But may have a summons sent to it from '10 Cloverfield Lane'...if they could even find an address or post box here. It really is all game for laughs like Jeff's jovial back and forth with his fond father figure Judd Hirsch. But sometimes the comedy plays too much like tragedy. Brent Spiner is back...yep he survived that tentacle hanging. But his seriously sinister scientist has gone even sillier. He doesn't just look a thing like Data. More like a greying Ozzy Osbourne, he doesn't look like himself. Perhaps in retrospect that will be a good thing. At times the only ones playing it straight are born for this role, official character actor William Fitchner and President Pullman. Bill may have left office on a cane but he still has the rights to deliver stirring speeches behind that Howard Hughes greying beard. But even Idris Elba in 'Pacific Rim' knows you can't top that first films tank top speech...and that's the point. Time to cancel the Apocalypse like Marvel should have done, because this one should have gone quietly into the night. Don't get me wrong this is entertaining and exciting, enjoyable popping popcorn viewing. But the day after tomorrow we may all see that this was all a bit too much. Elvis has already left the building...thank you very much. We all knew they'd come back one day...but not like this. With all this new world order that sees extra terrestrial technology turning the world on its head. From tug space boats to propeller missing helicopters that swim through the sky like fish. Must we really go faster?! Because in rushing through plot like their space planes do to the moon, London and back to the U.S.A. again, only Richard Branson would benefit from this type of jet setting. But for all this airborne artillery the potential never quite takes off. And lets leave the interstellar travel for Christopher Nolan and Matthew McConaughey shall we? Now it may not be what I call a close encounter of the 'turd' kind, but this is definitly s###### than the last one! TIM DAVID HARVEY.

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