REVIEW: AMBULANCE

3.5/5

Call The AmBAYlance.

136 Mins. Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Eiza González, Wale Folarin, Keir O'Donnell & Garret Dillahunt. Director: Michael Bay. 

Blockbuster Bayhem is back! After being buried alive on Netflix's '6 Underground' with Ryan Reynolds, Michael returns to the big-screen with a Bay bang. And this one feels like a 90's popcorn throwback all the way down to the dark dramatic poster and the Universal look that rides in the same lane of a 'Fast and Furious' movie, complete with 'Baby Driver' stars taking the wheel. The sunsets and explosions make a grand alarm clock return to your post-pandemic cinema crowd. All as the 'Heat' is on like Miami for a Los Angeles (and oh how cinematic that skyline looks at a futuristic twilight) bank job straight out the De Niro and Pacino playbook in this heist movie that sees the 'Pain and Gain' of a pair of 'Bad Boys' for Bay's best since that sequel. And whilst we're here. Will Smith. I guess we can't not mention it. Even though writing a full article about his Oscars smackdown with Chris Rock seemed know it all inappropriate and mining for likes. The biggest take here is that bald is beautiful. And I'm not just saying that because my hairline is thinner than these getaway crooks chances of getting away with it all in this epic car chase of a movie that's anything but a car crash. I couldn't begin to imagine the humiliation a woman must feel losing her hair...especially in this kind of public eye. And Pinkett-Smith has handled it all incredibly with bravery and beauty. Jada looks amazing, no matter. Chris Rock's jibe was below the belt. So was Smith's jab. Two cheap shots fuelled by ego. Even if Chris and his rock hard jaw took it like a pro. The worst thing is how everyone else will play it off for much worse and hang these guys out to dry, depending on what side they take with "hot" ones running cold. Jada too. Fact is no one is really innocent here. I'm a huge fan of everyone involved, but loving people does not mean condoning everything they do. Emotional mistakes in the heat of the moment were made (who hasn't made them, especially in the name of love? I know I have and are guilty too) and now apologies have been too. Smith's autobiography 'Will' is choked full of his raw reflections to these well intentioned but poor choices, done in the name of his family. And those demonising Jada saying she gaoded him need to see how she reacted to a birthday surprise Smith planned for her, punctuated by his own hubris. Make it "take JADA'S name out your mouth", not "my wife". But again good intentions and all. Yet we know what road is paved with them and what Denzel told Will about the devil of success. This feels like something the old friends from the 'Fresh Prince' days should handle behind closed doors like gentlemen and the rest of us butt out. But it was an unsettling display, that still sits uneasy with us days later. The worst thing is that Will literally had the chance to dress Chris down properly in a speech mere minutes later for an Oscar win we all knew was in the bag like I'm sure they all always do prior. He could have given the world its greatest speech of all-time. Instead he gave the Oscars one of its most controversial moments and handed it all on a plate to those who hate and can't see the grey areas. Just black and white. Another disconcerting thing is that as Rock said "ooh, I could" (do, say more? Kick his ass? All of the above? We don't doubt it) and looked backstage with hands held out in surprise one thing was painfully clear. If Smith had done that to Jerry Seinfeld there would be no way he would have made it back to his seat without security rushing the stage. But anyway that's for a different story, that's already been told. Back to the one at hand. 

Call the 'Ambulance' (and one for me because why is Busta Rhymes' emergency services banger of the same name not on this soundtrack?) for the 'Ambulancen' remake starring Jake Gyllenhaal, doing double Danish re-trip duty with Netflix for the first responders of 'The Guilty'. And the Academy actor's signature shouting and screaming style is back in full glared eyed epicness, as it's 'Armageddon' on these die hard streets like Bruce Willis for his 'Southpaw' side of the industry. Bursting like a fire extinguisher all over turtleneck cashmere. 100%! Looking like he took this golden era blockbuster off a dusty shelf with all the other film reels. The 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' Mysterio and 'Donnie Darko' mystery man is the perfect mix of indie Hollywood and A-list thesp to Nightcrawl all over these Los Angeles times of clipped wings in the city. Through its walk of fames, hoods and starved storm drains like an Olivia Munn directed Red Hot Chilli Pepper music video with all his dark necessities, or a Terminator judgement day too. River running. Because this fugitive whose Harrison Ford impression is as iconic as his Schwarzenegger is the right actor to elevate this directors signature style that freewheels all over DTLA like a drone. Spinning circles until you're more than sick with the motion, but impressed with the devotion and influence for a director whose dropped the Bay of pig act, transforming from those below the skirt shots that were way below the belt. It was hard to like and therefore follow the corrupt characters in one of Bay's better movies 'Pain & Gain'. Even with big-star Mark Wahlberg, Captain America himself Anthony Mackie and the charisma of The Rock cooking. But Gyllenhaal grinds great depth into his heist happy character who takes hostages and highway horrors to another level, that you actually stay with him through this hot pursuit. Even if your sympathy is in the rearview. Especially as Michael Bay keeps his directing eyes firmly on the road ahead. You can forgive him meta quoting Sean Connery in 'The Rock' (HIS OWN MOVIE), right before referencing 'Bad Boys' directly in the same way. If Marvel can Easter Egg this season, then why can't he? It's all fair game. 

Just watch man. Because Dr. Manhattan who did his best Fishburne impression for a reloaded 'Matrix' gives us another reason to stay hot on this Ambulance's tail. 'Candyman', 'Candyman' (nah, third-time is not the charm here), star Yahya Abdul-Mateen II is on the career turn of his life after playing Bobby Seale for Netflix's 'The Trial Of The Chicago 7'. And the 'Aquaman' and 'Us' scene-stealer now a leading man in his own right stands next to Jake, no less a big part of this movie and its beating heart. So much so, this fuse lit that's set to blow across these scorching streets of California is in no need of EMT. But bringing the paddles to these proceedings is 'Baby Driver', 'Godzilla vs. Kong' and 'Hobbs and Shaw' star Eiza González. The soul of this story and Bay's celebration of emergency workers. It's essential and real and raw like her opening saving of a child that will pull at your heart strings for a man who always aims for the chills with his dramatic takes and stylistic shots. Your feels will be checked in this pulse pounder and the emerging superstar Eiza holds her own next to two of the industry's biggest stars of legend and legacy making to make this a big-three on the bus. But there's a whole host of characters from cops to crime lords that will give you your fill. Putting the 'LA' like a Dodger cap in 'Ambulance'. It even looks like Bay is the member of the LAPD team hot on the heels, but I could be wrong. I need a fact check. Still, everyone from 'Army Of The Dead' star Garret Dillahunt, repping for the college teams and dog lovers, to rapper Wale Folarin (check out his latest album of the same last name) is here. Even Kier O'Donnell. So good as Bradley Cooper's brother in Clint Eastwood's 'American Sniper'. Even if we can't see past him literally putting the clamps on Vince Vaughn in the 'Wedding Crashers'. Just a sign of another great actor leaving his mark. Just like Bay always does...with C4. But no matter how explosive this director is, like the accented acting of Gyllenhaal's rage. The heart of this sibling story on the run is still hammered home. Albeit with buzzsaw over scalpel precision. This 'Ambulance' is one that will move the critics out the way. Reviving and restarting Bay's career like the cinematic blockbuster post pandemic. Call it. Forget time of death. This thrill ride will give you moviegoers the time of your life. CLEAR! TIM DAVID HARVEY. 

Further Filming: 'Pain & Gain', '6 Underground', 'Ambulancen'.