Wednesday, 10 February 2016
108 Minutes. Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, Ed Skrein, T.J. Miller, Brianna Hildebrand & Gina Carano. Director: Tim Miller.
Mother F#####! S###! C###! Gosh-darn it! O.K. Glad we got that out the way! O.K F### Captain America, Iron Man, their petty little 'Civil War'. Thor, The Incredible Hulk. The rest of the Avengers. That little Ant-Man dude. That guy that climbs up walls who they still won't talk about. Those Galaxy Guardians hooked on a feeling. The Fantastic Four and Wolverine and the rest of the X-Men. And even Daredevil and those Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. if you want to get even more specific. Don't even get us started on Batman and Superman and one particular planetery, green with envy member of D.C's Justice League. Because this is Wade's world now and that lovable red faced Wilson is back! But we aren't talking about that Hanks family friendly 'Cast Away' volleyball...although he will treat your samurai severed head like one. WIIIIIILLLLLSSSSOOON!!! Parental advisory...explicit cont...too late! Weapon X is going to give it to ya. Word to DMX (Get Well Soon), but it's time to party up true Marvel fans because 'Deadpool' finally has his own movie. And we aren't talking about no Clint Eastwood remake punk! More like something good, bad and f### ugly! Send in the gimp! Breaking the fourth wall of Stan Lee's comic book pulp fiction and addressing the audience like 'The Wolf Of Wall Street' gave 'The Wonder Years' of Fred Savage a line of blow! Who better than the Hollywood version of stand-up Dane Cook, comedy and action actor Ryan Reynolds to don the fetish mask for the most popular, gun-totting cult Marvel anti-hero whose only getting bigger? All puns intended! Wait until you get a load of D! He already came to us too quick in the sword cartwheel, scene stealing, fast talking cameo of the 'Wolverine' 'Origins' movie that the 'X-Men' franchise and 'Days Of Future Past' H.G. Wells travelling timeline would like you to forget. No matter how entertaining it was (you can see a subtle sign, similair rubble rebirth of this human bandaid, like a Phoenix from an old X timeline after an extinguishing fire fight). There was always potential for more from the man they never really figured how to shut up. That's why Marvel fans where luminous green sick when Reynolds took the D.C. oath for the animated but actually fun 'Green Lantern' flop (oh well at least he got to meet his wife co-star Blake Lively between takes). Thank comic-book God's for the "fan" that leaked some terrific test footage of Reynolds' Pool making video game dead out of some C.G.I. S.U.V. freeway henchman to the radio of Gwen Stefani's 'Hollaback Girl' mixed with some Dolly Parton for all those 9 to 5 Youtube refreshers. That ish was bananas! D.E.A.D.P.O.O.L. Have you seen this footage? Well don't worry its polished up and off in this movie ("Hi Tom")! Now not a year and some after that viral infection clip debuted, following the Canadian Reynolds turning the streets of Vancouver into some Hollywood homicide, we have the full movie that indestructible die-hards never thought this industry would make in a billion, trillion years. Especially with the millions this R rated affair is set to miss. No wonder the trailered marketing campaign from park benches where you can sit on Wade's Wilson's face, to Deadpool P.S.A's, emoticons (you have to love a smiling s###) and some fake romantic comedy posters is Cupid aiming to get real superhero lovers into cinemas this February 14th. By the week end of the St Valentines Day Massacre, the merc is going to be on everyones mouth. We hope you brought protection! Is that a coldsore? Now how do you like those Chimichangas?
('WAIT! Who does this "writer" think he is? All those puns are leaving everyone with more groans than his dates. What does he know about the pool of death? He probably can't even swim! "Stay in the shallow end sweetie"! I'll give you something deep. Hard luck...this isn't even a "real" Marvel movie. Who says so, you see Stan Lee don't you?! Admit it you wanted Wade to takes his head off! Didn't you? The Studios would love the rights back to this like after the mess Fox left with the 'Fantastic Flaw' last year. But you best believe with this Canadian on the outside border like Hugh Jackman's Logan, when it comes to X-Men they can stretch this thing out like the Human Torch becoming Steve Rodgers old man. It's clear this other mutating side of the comic books is here to stay...no Sue Storm. But do you reckon I can get the digits before she disappears? I can stretch too. My arms...my legs...my...') WOAH!! Hang on...we've been hijacked...or "Fraped" as the kids say! Looks like someone broke the fourth wall. No, No...finish your tweet. Hash-tag references! Trend this, Ryan Reynolds is back like he never really squeezed that ass into spandex before. This 'Deadpool' was (re)born to play this anti-superhero who could even skull-f### the Punisher and make him look like a p####! Sorry Jon Bernthal I know you just got your own Netflix show and all....Chill! The superhero sarcastic, but heroically funny Hollywood heartthrob with more one zingers than lives has also gone back to the same Origin lab as the wolf that never made it to yellow and blue tights, to end up looking like the indestructible foe should really focus on his skin care. Exfoliate Mr. Wilson! Who are you the Red Skull? Still adamantium has got nothing on him. Some cats have got claws, but this gimp's got gats...and machetes that kill and don't just hang in geeks rooms in their parents house above the XBOX. This plays like the perfect video game, no first person shooter, but all menage a trois and head kill count. K.O.! Even the C.G.I. amazing and fantastic facial animations make you forget that you're barely seeing the actors movie star mug and not what looks like this week end Valentines gift that just screams "too soon, it's only been two weeks". I mean this is a franchise that turned Bradley Cooper into a racoon. Now you don't just have to be a teenage girl to love the posters boy Reynolds. As a matter of fact this is over 18's only. Ryan doesn't just kick ass...he gets shot up it. Started queing up on Main Street. This is the hero with great irresponsibilty. Spider who?
Responsibilty to the breaking wind however there are more heroes for hire here and we aren't talking about Hal Jordan. Now how this for a crossover? There's a new, suped up Collossos on iron fist hand, perhaps hinting at a future Weapon X/X-Men collaboration. Now that really would be the 'Apocalypse'. Stranger than Steven. But Doctor the one Marvel film that could possibly do battle with 'Civil War' has more to follow down the yellow brick road than a guy with no heart and the tin man. Brianna Hildebrand is far from Dorothy, but finds her place and home here as she clicks Deadpool's little red shoes together. This girl is on Chloe Grace-Moretz 'Kick Ass' fire in a graphic novel film that never thought about being afraid to use the C word. Hit Girl would be proud. She can even kick the ass of 'Haywire' M.M.A. fighter Gina Carano who is on 'Fast and Furious' form here as another villain alongside the good to the ba, ba, bad bone Ed Skrein. Who shows you what it would have been like if Jude Law went to public school with Jason Statham. Or if Nicholas Hoult went Beast mode in the gym. Either way there's something about this boy. Transport that! They aren't the only ones not playing by the rules of cliched, superhero stereotype roles however. How about the damsel not in distress Morena Baccarin? Straight outta 'Gotham' and the Ryan Reynolds school of not being afraid to turn-suit between the comic-book rivals of D.C. and Marvel. But this Ms is a Wonder Woman that is Black Widow deadly in beauty and character. Still no matter how good she or the rest of this anti-Avenger assemble of an ensemble looks, nobody steals the show quite like T.J. Miller in classic best friend role. B.F.F.s YEAH! The ever funny scene stealer owns every frame here...literally. Turn his name to Tim Miller and you have your 'Deadpool' director. Between him and the jokes on Reynolds there's no wonder this rib hit is so belly deep funny. Now we just wish we could have seen the table reads of what only made the cutting room floor. These are two guys that could turn a charred face into the comedy of a running Freddy Kruger, testical gag that demands the DVD deleted scenes before this movie even premieres. These outstanding outtakes are going to make for one epic extended edition. Now you have another reason to stay after the credits of a Marvel movie. It's Miller time! Just see how alive this all is, just dont leave the stove on! 'Deadpool' is dead crude, dead funny, dead good! Hitting like an astonishing thunderbolt, this regenerate degenerate who has healed Ryan Reynolds is no longer a stranger to those leaning on their own arms tonight. Offended? Good! It could be worse. Howard the Duck is yet to get his own movie! Go quack yourself! TIM DAVID HARVEY.